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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph shows the hours spent in different study methods during a two year course

The graph shows the hours spent in different study methods during a two year course
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The graph shows the
amount
Change the quantifier
number
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 of weekly
hours
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 spent studying in the library, with a tutor or lecturer or using the internet during a
2 year
Add a hyphen
2-year
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 course.
Overall
Linking Words
, the use of the internet increased,
while
Linking Words
 time in class and lectures declined and time in the library varied. The most striking trend is that there is a dramatic increase in the use of the internet throughout the period, especially between the first and
second
Linking Words
 semesters of each period, with
hours
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 increasing from about 3 at the beginning of the course to over 10 by the end.
Hours
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 spent in a classroom or lecture were
initially
Linking Words
 the highest at approximately 7
hours
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 a week, increasing to 8
hours
Use synonyms
 in the
second
Linking Words
 semester of the first term.
However
Linking Words
, the figure fell during the
second
Linking Words
 year to finish at only 5
hours
Use synonyms
 a week. Time in the library was the most fluctuating,
initially
Linking Words
 falling from 4
hours
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 down to about 3
hours
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,
then
Linking Words
 rapidly increasing to 8
hours
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 before once again declining to end at about 6
hours
Use synonyms
.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "initially, second".
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 70%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words hours with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "fell" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 3 times.
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