IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Governments should spend money on railways rather than roads. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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It is argued that the government should invest in
railways
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instead
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 of roads. In my opinion, I strongly agree with
this
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 point of view because not only rail lines are more environmentally friendly but they
also
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 prevent traffic jams.
Firstly
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, funding
railways
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 offers environmental benefits. Locomotives produce fewer emissions per ton-mile or passenger-mile compared to other means of transportation
due to
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 the fact that they prevent the use of hundreds of internal combustion engines by carrying hundreds of people.
Moreover
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, many
railways
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 use electric power, which is sourced from renewable energy
such
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 as hydroelectric, solar or wind power. That’s the reason why investing in
railways
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 can contribute to the reduction
in
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of
show examples
 air pollution and greenhouse gas emissions.
Secondly
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, the infrastructure of
railways
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 can help alleviate
road
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 congestion by providing alternative modes of transportation. A well-developed rail system that connects various destinations around a city can motivate a substantial portion of the population to move to trains or the metro because of their speed and punctuality, leading to the decrease of private on the
road
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 and ultimately reducing traffic congestion, especially in densely populated areas.
For example
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, in Vietnam, the introduction of the Cat Linh metro in Hanoi in 2021 prompted a noticeable change in citizen behaviour, with a shift from using motorbikes to metros, resulting in reduced traffic jams. The government has plans to extend
this
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 metro system to other major cities, with completion expected by 2030. In conclusion, the government should invest more in the railway system than the
road
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 because developed
railways
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 positively impact the environment by reducing air pollution and preventing the greenhouse effect but
also
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 effectively address
road
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 congestion.

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coherence cohesion
While the essay presents a well-structured argument, consider enhancing the logical flow by adding more cohesive devices and varying conjunctions to improve the connections between ideas.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well-defined, but try to elaborate a bit more on the concluding statement to make it more comprehensive and reflective of the overall discussion.
coherence cohesion
Your main points are supported, but integrating additional specific examples and data could strengthen your argumentation. Provide figures or studies to back up your points where possible.
task achievement
You've provided a complete response to the task with clear ideas. To further improve, ensure that each paragraph goes into detail about how the proposed measures address the specific considerations of the topic.
task achievement
Your ideas are fairly comprehensive, but expanding on each idea with more depth and nuance would enrich your essay. Delve deeper into the implications or challenges that might be associated with prioritizing railways over roads.
task achievement
Use relevant examples to support your points. While you did include an example (the Cat Linh metro in Hanoi), adding more examples from different contexts or countries would better demonstrate the general applicability of your argument.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Carbon emissions
  • Mass transportation
  • Traffic congestion
  • Economic growth
  • Regional development
  • Initial investment
  • Feasibility
  • Flexibility
  • Rural areas
  • Integration
  • Sustainable
  • Efficiency
  • Infrastructure
  • Commuters
  • Public expenditure
  • Autonomous vehicles
  • Long-term investment
  • Accessibility
  • Connectivity
  • Modal shift
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