Some university students want to learn about other subjects, in addition to their main subjects. All this believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification. discuss both these wheels and give your own opinion .
Students
nowadays have many options at university, they can choose to study a minor subject
alongside their main subject
. Some believe that it is good for students
to learn more knowledge. While
others believe that it is more important for them to focus
on their main subject
to get a qualification.
On the one hand, studying a minor subject
could give people more job
opportunities. In today's rapidly developing society, peer competition is mounting. In the job
market, versatile employees are needed. For example
, some financial companies in China not only require their employees to understand finances but also
require them to have basic computer knowledge such
as Phyton or C++. Therefore
, students
who have studied finance and minored in computer science could easily get jobs in these companies compared with other applicants, and vice versa. Moreover
, some students
who are purely majoring in a liberal arts subject
are unlikely to find a job
easily when they graduate. Consequently
, some choose to minor in a business or science subject
, making it much easier for them to apply for a practical subject
in graduate school or even find a job
directly after graduation.
Furthermore
, Students
attend universities with the
sense of curiosity and a desire to learn new things. Correct article usage
a
however
if they only Add a comma
however,
focus
on their main subject
, they are only able to learn limited knowledges
. Change the wording
knowledge
pieces of knowledge
bits of knowledge
In contrast
, if the student chooses to minor in a different subject
, he or she could Broaden their horizon, learn new knowledge and gain experiences.
On the other hand
, students
should also
concentrate on their main subject
as well. The more deep they learn, the more complicated it becomes. Students
should make sure take they are able to pass the final exam of their main subject
in order to graduate from university and get a qualification. So it could be detrimental to themselves if they focus
too much on additional subjects.
In conclusion, it is encouraging for students
to learn an additional subject
, but they should also
focus
on their main subject
.Submitted by 18310971390 on
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task achievement
The essay could benefit from a clearer delineation between the two opposing views in the introduction. Consider rephrasing the introduction to succinctly present both perspectives before delving into the discussion.
coherence cohesion
Proof-read for minor grammatical errors and typos, such as 'if they only focus on their main subject, they are only able to learn limited knowledges' should be 'if they only focus on their main subject, they are only able to learn limited knowledge.'
coherence cohesion
In the conclusion, briefly reiterate the key points of your argument from both sides to provide a more comprehensive summary.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph is tightly focused on a single idea. For example, the sentence discussing student curiosity and desire to learn could be better placed at the beginning of a new paragraph.
task achievement
The essay effectively presents both sides of the argument with relevant examples, such as the need for financial knowledge alongside computer skills in job markets.
task achievement
The essay remains focused and relevant to the topic throughout, addressing both the benefits and drawbacks of learning additional subjects.
task achievement
The use of specific examples, such as the requirements of financial companies in China, effectively supports and illustrates the main points.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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