Some university students want to learn about other subjects, in addition to their main subjects. All this believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification. discuss both these wheels and give your own opinion .

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Students
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nowadays have many options at university, they can choose to study a minor
subject
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alongside their main
subject
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. Some believe that it is good for
students
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to learn more knowledge.
While
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others believe that it is more important for them to
focus
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on their main
subject
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to get a qualification. On the one hand, studying a minor
subject
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could give people more
job
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opportunities. In today's rapidly developing society, peer competition is mounting. In the
job
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market, versatile employees are needed.
For example
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, some financial companies in China not only require their employees to understand finances but
also
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require them to have basic computer knowledge
such
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as Phyton or C++.
Therefore
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,
students
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who have studied finance and minored in computer science could easily get jobs in these companies compared with other applicants, and vice versa.
Moreover
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, some
students
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who are purely majoring in a liberal arts
subject
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are unlikely to find a
job
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easily when they graduate.
Consequently
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, some choose to minor in a business or science
subject
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, making it much easier for them to apply for a practical
subject
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in graduate school or even find a
job
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directly after graduation.
Furthermore
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,
Students
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attend universities with
the
Correct article usage
a
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sense of curiosity and a desire to learn new things.
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however
Add a comma
however,
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if they only
focus
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on their main
subject
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, they are only able to learn limited
knowledges
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knowledge
pieces of knowledge
bits of knowledge
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.
In contrast
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, if the student chooses to minor in a different
subject
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, he or she could Broaden their horizon, learn new knowledge and gain experiences.
On the other hand
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,
students
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should
also
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concentrate on their main
subject
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as well. The more deep they learn, the more complicated it becomes.
Students
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should make sure take they are able to pass the final exam of their main
subject
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in order to graduate from university and get a qualification. So it could be detrimental to themselves if they
focus
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too much on additional subjects. In conclusion, it is encouraging for
students
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to learn an additional
subject
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, but they should
also
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focus
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on their main
subject
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.
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task achievement
The essay could benefit from a clearer delineation between the two opposing views in the introduction. Consider rephrasing the introduction to succinctly present both perspectives before delving into the discussion.
coherence cohesion
Proof-read for minor grammatical errors and typos, such as 'if they only focus on their main subject, they are only able to learn limited knowledges' should be 'if they only focus on their main subject, they are only able to learn limited knowledge.'
coherence cohesion
In the conclusion, briefly reiterate the key points of your argument from both sides to provide a more comprehensive summary.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph is tightly focused on a single idea. For example, the sentence discussing student curiosity and desire to learn could be better placed at the beginning of a new paragraph.
task achievement
The essay effectively presents both sides of the argument with relevant examples, such as the need for financial knowledge alongside computer skills in job markets.
task achievement
The essay remains focused and relevant to the topic throughout, addressing both the benefits and drawbacks of learning additional subjects.
task achievement
The use of specific examples, such as the requirements of financial companies in China, effectively supports and illustrates the main points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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