IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

the graph below shows the number of overseas students living in Australia between 1982 to 2000

the graph below shows the number of overseas students living in Australia between 1982 to 2000
The line graphs
illustrates
Change the verb form
illustrate
show examples
 four countries including Indonesia,
Hong
Use synonyms
Kong
Use synonyms
, Malaysia ,and Singapore of residence of overseas
students
Use synonyms
 in
Australia
Use synonyms
 over 18 years from 1982 to 2000.
Overall
Linking Words
, the
number
Use synonyms
 of
students
Use synonyms
 from Indonesia ,
Hong
Use synonyms
Kong
Use synonyms
, Malaysia and Singapore living in
Australia
Use synonyms
 has increased over 18 years. At the beginning of
period
Add an article
the period
show examples
 , the
number
Use synonyms
 of
Use synonyms
Malaysians
Replace the word
Malaysian
show examples
students
Use synonyms
 living
Use synonyms
Australia
Change preposition
in Australia
show examples
 was the highest.
In contrast
Linking Words
, the
number
Use synonyms
 of
students
Use synonyms
 from
Hong
Use synonyms
Kong
Use synonyms
, Singapore and Indonesia was the lowest and following that the
number
Use synonyms
 of Indonesian
students
Use synonyms
 was the lowest in the final years
It is clear that
Linking Words
, in 2000, the
number
Use synonyms
 of
Indonesians
Use synonyms
 living in
Australia
Use synonyms
 was the highest,
while
Linking Words
 the lowest were
Malaysians
Use synonyms
. The highest population of
Indonesians
Use synonyms
 living in
Australia
Use synonyms
 was in 1998.
In contrast
Linking Words
, the lowest population of
Indonesians
Use synonyms
 living in
Australia
Use synonyms
 is in 1982.
According to
Linking Words
 the line graph, the
number
Use synonyms
 of
Indonesians
Use synonyms
 living in
Australia
Use synonyms
 increased dramatically between 1994 to 1997 and
slowest
Correct article usage
the slowest
show examples
 between 1982 to 1986. It is clearly evident that between the mid of 1982 to the middle of 1988,
Malaysians
Use synonyms
 living in
Australia
Use synonyms
 remained the same, and neither did it increase nor decrease.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the
number
Use synonyms
 of
Malaysians
Use synonyms
 living in
Australia
Use synonyms
 was the greatest in 1997
while
Linking Words
 the lowest in 1982. The highest amount of Singaporeans living In
Australia
Use synonyms
 was the highest in 2000 .
on the contrary
Linking Words
, it was the lowest in 1982.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, we can see from the chart that the
Hong
Use synonyms
Kong
Use synonyms
 residence of visitor arrivals for
educations
Fix the agreement mistake
education
show examples
 in 1982 was the lowest
while
Linking Words
 in 1997 was the highest

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "in contrast, while".
▼
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words hong, kong, students, australia, number, malaysians, indonesians with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "graphs" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 7 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 3 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: