In a public-funded healthcare system, people who are willing to pay for the best and fast treatment should be able to do so. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Rich
people
, for any privileged healthcare
service
, should turn to private healthcare
facilities
and the public healthcare
facilities
should equally treat the citizens regardless their
wealth and status. If affluent Change preposition
of their
people
are given priority in a
public-funded medical care, the poor would be deprived of their rights to get medical treatment and Remove the article
apply
that is
why I totally disagree with the notion that the
exclusive Correct article usage
apply
healthcare
in Add an article
the public
a public
public funded
system should be given to those who can pay more money.
Add a hyphen
public-funded
To begin
with, a government has an obligation to ensure healthcare
service
for all of its citizens. If better medical services in a public
funded system are for Replace the word
publicly
sell
, it would only degrade the Replace the word
sale
overall
healthcare
service
in a country and symbolise a weak and corrupt administration. Furthermore
, any public service
, including healthcare
, is run by taxpayers' money and offering exclusive services to rich people
would create a backdoor for corruption. Similarly
, it would deprive citizens of getting the service
at all as rich people
would start consuming the whole facility.
With regards to prioritise medical service
, only rich people
can afford that and most of the poor cannot even think of getting it. So, only an autocratic government whose sole purpose is to make money and exercising
power rather than serving the Wrong verb form
exercise
people
would plan to actually execute such
a detrimental and whimsical plan. Having said that, the
Correct article usage
apply
private
funded exclusive and expensive medical Change the adjective
privately
facilities
are always there and wealthy people
can avail this
Change preposition
of this
service
for
Change preposition
apply
them
anytime they want. Correct pronoun usage
apply
This
is why adopting money-can-buy-better-service
in a public
funded Replace the word
publicly
healthcare
system is perhaps the step to destroy
a fair medical Wrong verb form
destroying
service
in a country.
To conclude
, health care is a sensitive sector and any policy that can reduce its overall
quality of service
should always be discarded. In my personal opinion, and I am sure it would also
reflect the opinion of the majority in my country, prioritised medical service
in a public
funded settlement should never be implemented as it has a severe negative effect that would hinder poor Replace the word
publicly
people
from getting healthcare
facilities
at all.Submitted by tongmek158 on
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relevant specific examples
The essay should present more specific examples or evidence to support the points made. Including data, studies, or real-world examples would strengthen the argument.
clear comprehensive ideas
Consider varying sentence structures and using more advanced vocabulary to enhance the writing style. This can help to make the essay more engaging and sophisticated.
logical structure
While the essay is well-structured, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea with clear and logical connections to the other ideas. This will improve clarity and coherence.
introduction conclusion present
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the argument.
complete response
The writer provides a comprehensive response to the task, addressing both the ethical implications and potential consequences of a tiered healthcare system.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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