IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some argue that having substantial wealth and limited leisure time is preferable to having less money but more free time. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#argue #wealth #leisure #time #money
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In contemporary society, there is an ongoing debate regarding whether possessing considerable
wealth
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 and sacrificing
leisure
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time
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 is superior to having less money but more free
time
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.
While
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 some advocate for the former, I firmly disagree and believe that prioritizing
leisure
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time
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 over
wealth
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 leads to a more fulfilling and balanced
life
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. Those in
favor
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favour
show examples
 of
wealth
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 argue that it enables
individuals
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 to indulge in extravagant experiences and create lasting memories. They assert that with ample financial resources, one can afford luxurious vacations and extravagant lifestyles.
However
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,
this
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 perspective fails to recognize the inherent value of
leisure
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time
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 itself.
While
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 money can provide material comfort, it cannot buy the intangible benefits of relaxation, personal growth, and meaningful relationships that come with
leisure
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time
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.
On the contrary
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, having more free
time
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 allows
individuals
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 to pursue their passions, nurture relationships, and prioritize their well-being.
Time
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 is the most precious commodity, and those who have the luxury of free
time
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 can invest it in activities that bring them joy and
fulfillment
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fulfilment
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.
For instance
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, spending quality
time
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 with family and friends, pursuing hobbies, and engaging in self-care activities contribute to
overall
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 happiness and well-being.
Moreover
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, research has shown that excessive focus on
wealth
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 and career advancement often leads to stress, burnout, and dissatisfaction with
life
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. A study conducted by Harvard University found that
individuals
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 who prioritize
leisure
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time
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 and work-
life
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 balance report higher levels of satisfaction and
overall
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 well-being.
Thus
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, it is evident that quality
leisure
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time
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 is essential for psychological and emotional health. In conclusion,
while
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wealth
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 may provide temporary pleasure and material comforts, it is the abundance of free
time
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 that truly enriches
life
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. By prioritizing
leisure
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time
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,
individuals
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 can cultivate meaningful experiences, nurture relationships, and achieve a sense of balance and
fulfillment
Change the spelling
fulfilment
show examples
.
Therefore
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, I firmly believe that having less money but more free
time
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 leads to a more fulfilling and satisfying
life
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.
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task achievement
Try to provide a bit more in-depth analysis or counterarguments to strengthen your stance further.
coherence cohesion
Make sure to include a clear topic sentence at the beginning of each paragraph for better clarity and flow.
task achievement
Include more specific examples or case studies to illustrate your points better.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction clearly outlines the topic and your stance, setting a clear context for the essay.
coherence cohesion
The essay is well-organized with a logical structure that guides the reader through your argument effectively.
task achievement
You have made good use of research findings to support your argument, adding credibility to your points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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