IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Why is having a higher % of more elderly a problem?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
One of the problems
from
Suggestion
of
 ageing populations is a financial
pressure
Use synonyms
 on governments.
This
Linking Words
 problem affects the economy through an increase in
government
Use synonyms
 expenditure on
Use synonyms
healthcare
Suggestion
health care
, pensions and social benefit programs for elderly people. It means governments need more
money
Use synonyms
 to inject in
healthcare
Use synonyms
 and welfare systems for them. A main source of
money
Use synonyms
 for governments is
from
Suggestion
for
tax payers
someone who pays taxes
taxpayers
 who are working-
age but
Accept comma addition
age, but
 as ageing populations increase there are more aged people or retirees who do not pay tax.
As a result
Linking Words
, a responsibility to source the
money
Use synonyms
 lands on governments and
this
Linking Words
 creates an imbalance in
government
Use synonyms
 income and expenses. In
this
Linking Words
 case
governments
Suggestion
the government
government
have
Suggestion
has
 to take some
money
Use synonyms
 from other development areas
such
Linking Words
 as
education
Use synonyms
 or infrastructure or urban development to invest in
healthcare
Use synonyms
 and welfare systems. Apart from the basic financial issue connected to
this
Linking Words
, there is
also
Linking Words
 an additional problem of a potential reduction in high quality
education
Use synonyms
 as time goes on.
For example
Linking Words
, a
government
Use synonyms
 has to reduce state
money
Use synonyms
 for
education
Use synonyms
 development in order to inject
money
Use synonyms
in
Suggestion
into
 the
healthcare
Use synonyms
 and welfare system for the elderly. A side effect from reducing
state budget
Suggestion
the state budget
 on
education
Use synonyms
 may have
less effective workforce
Suggestion
a less effective workforce
less effective workforces
 in industries in the future, because younger generation might get a less quality of
education
Use synonyms
 where they can acquire
necessary knowledge
Suggestion
the necessary knowledge
 and skills prior to enter work. A result of unqualified workers can be a drawback for economic growth. If the economy of the country is not growing, it
also
Linking Words
 creates
pressure
Use synonyms
 on a
government
Use synonyms
 because one of the main revenue streams of the
government
Use synonyms
 comes from economic growth. An increasing life expectancy along with declining birth rates is another issue linked to ageing populations.
This
Linking Words
 means as the
dependency
Use synonyms
 ratio increases more working age groups have to support and take
care
Use synonyms
 of higher numbers of non-workers or elderly people. It can be seen that the higher the
dependency
Use synonyms
 ratio, the greater the
dependency
Use synonyms
 load on society and
in particular
Linking Words
 the greater
pressure
Use synonyms
is
Suggestion
are
 on
younger generation
Suggestion
the younger generation
 to take
care
Use synonyms
 of the ageing population.
For example
Linking Words
, in
Japan there
Accept comma addition
Japan, there
 is a 1:4
dependency
Use synonyms
 ratio of ageing population aged 65 and above. It means that for every working adult there are 4 elderly people who have to be taken
care
Use synonyms
 of,
in addition
Linking Words
 to looking after other dependent members
such
Linking Words
 as spouses or children. If these workers are unable to provide good
care
Use synonyms
 for their elders, there is a chance that those elderly people have to rely on the state
money
Use synonyms
 and health
care
Use synonyms
 services. When they rely more on the
government
Use synonyms
again it
Accept comma addition
again, it
 becomes a
pressure
Use synonyms
 on governments to source more
money
Use synonyms
 to invest in
Use synonyms
healthcare
Suggestion
health care
 service and social benefits for ageing population, which brings us back to the issue of financial
pressure
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • bilingual
  • multilingual
  • fluency
  • communicate
  • cognitive skills
  • cultural awareness
  • opportunities
  • globalized world
  • job market
  • interact
  • linguistic abilities
  • cultural exchange
  • language proficiency
  • language barrier
  • foreign travel
  • personal growth
  • academic achievement
  • self-confidence
  • enhance
  • cross-cultural communication
What to do next:
Look at other essays: