In the past, students did a university degree, they tended to study in their own country. Nowadays, they have more opportunities to study abroad. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this developments?

#students #university #study #country #opportunities #developments

The increasing opportunities give more options for

students

to continue their advanced degree. In previous times, with limited choice, the majority of

students

took their university degree within their

home

country

This

phenomenon is very different from the current conditions where

students

prefer to

study

abroad.

This

essay will discuss the advantages and disadvantages of student’s preference to

study

abroad. Studying abroad provides many benefits for

students

. They can learn about new cultures through interaction with global society. Those interactions allow them to transfer knowledge which could broaden their mind.

Moreover

, as the

education

systems in other countries are usually better than in local universities,

students

will

give them

Verb problem

have

show examples

a better understanding of their majors.

For instance

, most

students

choose to continue their

education

in developed countries where they get a new perspective.

This

will give them added

values

Fix the agreement mistake

value

show examples

which might not be provided if

students

continue to

study

in local universities.

On the other hand

, studying abroad raises issues in the

home

country

. Most

students

will receive government scholarships to

study

abroad which could hinder the improvement of

education

systems in the

home

country

due to

budget allocation.

For example

, in Indonesia, the government allocated about 5 billion Rupiah each year to give scholarships. Some people argue that the budget should be allocated to build schools in rural-remote areas.

Furthermore

, the increasing number of

students

who choose to

study

in other countries will enhance the inequality of learning output.

This

is happened because the

students

who learning abroad usually will have a better

leaning

Correct your spelling

learning

show examples

output.

The other

Correct article usage

Other

show examples

problems

also

arise when the

students

refuse to back to

home

Correct pronoun usage

their home

show examples

country

. It shows that only 70% of

students

go back

Change preposition

to Indonesia

show examples

Indonesia

Change preposition

to Indonesia

show examples

after studying abroad.

Change preposition

show examples

result

Correct article usage

a result

show examples

, the transfer

knowledge

Change preposition

of knowledge

show examples

does not occur. In conclusion, the opportunity to

study

abroad has provided benefits for

students

because they can increase their knowledge and learn about new cultures.

In contrast

those preference

Change the determiner

that preference

those preferences

show examples

will lead

Change preposition

to problem

show examples

problem

Fix the agreement mistake

problems

show examples

home

Add an article

the home

show examples

country

by increasing

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

inequality and slowing down the

education

improvement process.

Submitted by dimitriswasthika on Mon Jan 15 2024

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coherence cohesion

While the response is generally logical, it would benefit from clearer transitions and better organization of ideas to enhance coherence.

coherence cohesion

Introduction and conclusion are present but could be more impactful by directly addressing the question statement and summarizing the key points more effectively.

coherence cohesion

Main points are supported but should be developed further with more in-depth analysis and varied examples.

task achievement

The essay addresses the task, but there is room for providing a more comprehensive exploration of the advantages and disadvantages.

task achievement

Presented ideas are clear but lack depth. Aim to elaborate on statements to fully convey the complexity of the issue.

task achievement

The essay includes examples, yet they could be more specific and relevant to strengthen the argument. Use data or case studies for robust support.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
15Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

335 words

5.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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In the past, students did a university degree, they tended to study in their own country. Nowadays, they have more opportunities to study abroad. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this developments?

Your opinion

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Some people believe that nowadays we have too many choices. To what extent do you gree or disagree with this statement?

Some people think that professional athletes make good role models for young people, while others believe they don`t. Discuss both these points of views and give your own opinion.