IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Write about the following topic: More children in developed countries are becoming overweight. This is a serious problem for wealthy countries. Discuss some causes and effects of this problem. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should write at least 250 words.

#minutes #topic #children #countries #effects
There is no doubt, that numerous problems exist in most modern countries like an obese.
This
 is a very serious problem for wealthy countries. The probable causes of
this
 serious issue I will describe in my essay.
To begin
 with, the major cause of overweight is fast feed. More and more countries now starting to build up many cafes where the junk snack is sold. Children do not understand that
this
 type of meal is very harmful, and the continue to eat and consume it.
For instance
, hamburger consists of chemicals,
that is
 not very helpful to our body.
Moreover
, there are spices that lowers our sense of satiety, and we want to eat it more without a limitation.
Furthermore
, junk cuisine can cause a serious problem with heart diseases.
On the other hand
, youth lead a sedentary lifestyle,
that is
 another major reason of causing an obesity. The fact that we cannot escape from the television can be very intrusive and irritating at times. The younger generation is the future of a country.
Nevertheless
, all countries want a wealthy population in it. In my opinion, all responsibilities on children's parents. Adults should pay a lot of attention to their children, and put them in a big effort. In conclusion, to sum up the only way to solve
this
 problem is to try using solutions which I mention above. Only
then
, the future of the country will be very wealthy, and the population very healthy.
Submitted by yagudaeva.l.z on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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