IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to cooperate rather than compete become more useful adults. Discuss both these views and give your opinion

#people #sense #competition #children #adults
Nowadays, the norm of competing for almost everything is becoming quite common among the children, whereas other section of people still believes in teaching the power of cooperation
,
Accept space
,
rather than being competitive in the society.I believe both the approaches are somewhat right and wrong depending on the part of society an individual living in and
also
 the culture they are following. As the population increases, so does the demand, and everyone needs the best to fulfil their needs and wants. Encouraging the feeling of being competitive among children Will prepare them in advance to face the hurdles of life,
also
 they will try to do better in education, sports et cetera. Researches have proved, children living in a competitive environment tend to gain better knowledge of the activity they are performing compared to those who aren’t.
However
, if being competitive on one side is beneficial for the children, it
also
 harmful for them in the long run. Competitive children usually find difficulty in cooperating with people on an emotional level, which leaves them in being alone. Closely knitted cultural people often teach their children to learn the feeling of cooperation. Cooperating with others builds friendship and trust and helps them in fighting with difficult phases of life. People tend to like those who cooperate rather than being competitive. In the conclusion, both the approaches are useful and harmful at the same time. Extreme ideologies are always dangerous for the society, whether it’s good or bad. I believe finding a balance is crucial, so
its
it is
it's
 best if people start teaching the advantages and disadvantages of being competitive and cooperative, so that a Child can learn both the sides of the coin and
then
 choose wisely.
Submitted by feyiki6213 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: