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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many people use distance learning program to study at home, but some people think that it cannot bring the benefit as much attending college or universities. To what extend do you agree and disagree?

Nowadays
Punctuation problem
Nowadays,
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people
Use synonyms
 are more eager to learn and grow.
People
Use synonyms
 want to
go
Verb problem
pursue
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 higher studies, but due lack of time
they
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, they
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 are trying are
going
Wrong verb form
go
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 for distance learning programs.
Although
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,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 these courses help them to learn
along with
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 their job,
but
Correct word choice
apply
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they cannot get the right kind of exposure.
People
Use synonyms
 have become very ambitious
and
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, and
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 no one wants to leave their job. They believe that rather than
,
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apply
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 spending two years in college or any university, it’s better to go for these programs.
This
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 kind of approach will not only help them in learning a new course, but will be very beneficial from their career point of view.
Firstly
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,
while
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 working
you
Punctuation problem
, you
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 can easily pay for your higher studies, you don’t need to be dependent for financial help of anyone.
For example
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, a person who works in one of the best multinational
company
Fix the agreement mistake
companies
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 parallel studies MBA
from
Change preposition
through
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distance
Correct article usage
a distance
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 program. And once he
will finish
Wrong verb form
finishes
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 the course,
will
Correct pronoun usage
he will
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 soon
promote
Wrong verb form
be promoted
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 to
regional
Correct article usage
the regional
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 manager post without taking breaks from work.
On the other hand
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, some
people
Use synonyms
 think attending college is a better option than pursuing
the
Correct article usage
a
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 distance program.
Although
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,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 one
need
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
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 to take breaks from work life, but
gets
Correct subject-verb agreement
get
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 a better opportunity to grow academically and professionally.
Firstly
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, you meet
people
Use synonyms
 coming from different backgrounds and
culture
Fix the agreement mistake
cultures
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along with
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 different skills and
talent
Fix the agreement mistake
talents
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.
For example
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, if a student from a Korean country can help others learn
this
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 language.
Similarly
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,
this
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 goes for students from countries like France, Spain, Germany or Japan.
To conclude
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, I would say the job is important for survival, but not at the cost of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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personal growth. Undoubtedly, time is very crucial and should be invested in my right things.
People
Use synonyms
 who do not attend regular classes
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 will never get practical knowledge. These colleges not only help you basic
educate
Replace the word
education
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, but
let
Verb problem
also help
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 you understand how the industry works.

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planning
Plan your answer first. State your view and keep it clear.
ideas
Give simple facts and a clear example. Write in your own words.
grammar
Keep grammar simple. Use short sentences. Use and, but, also to join ideas.
conclusion
Finish with a short end that restates your view.
structure
Two sides are shown and a view at end.
content
Examples are used to explain points.
coherence
There is a clear plan with start, middle and end.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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