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Writing Samples
Band 6

The chart below shows the number of trips made by children in one country in 1990 and 2010 to travel to and from school using different modes of transport. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below shows the number of trips made by children in one country in 1990 and 2010 to travel to and from school using different modes of transport. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The above graph shows the total number of
trips
Use synonyms
 made by
children
Use synonyms
 in a country
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
using different modes of
transport
Use synonyms
 in the years 1990 and 2010. It compares the usage of different modes of
transport
Use synonyms
 to and from school by
children
Use synonyms
 aged 5-12 years in the years 1990 and 2010. In 1990, the graph shows walking as the most used means of
transport
Use synonyms
 by
children
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 travelling to and
fro
Correct your spelling
from
show examples
 school which is approximately 12.5
million
Use synonyms
trips
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. The mode of
transport
Use synonyms
 which is least used in 1990 is
car
Add an article
a car
the car
show examples
 which is approximately 4.5
million
Use synonyms
trips
Use synonyms
. Cycling and walking and
bus
Use synonyms
 are used almost
similarly
Linking Words
as
Change preposition
with
show examples
round
Correct your spelling
around
show examples
 6
million
Use synonyms
 in 1990. After walking, travelling by
bus
Use synonyms
 is mostly used by
children
Use synonyms
 in 1990. In 2010, the graph shows
car
Add an article
the car
show examples
 as the most used
transport
Use synonyms
 approximated to 11
million
Use synonyms
trips
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, cycling is the least used mode of
transport
Use synonyms
 approximated to 3
million
Use synonyms
trips
Use synonyms
. The other modes of
transport
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 like walking and
bus
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 are used
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
around 6
million
Use synonyms
 and 5
million
Use synonyms
trips
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 in 2010. Walking and
bus
Use synonyms
 together are used in almost 3
million
Use synonyms
trips
Use synonyms
. In
comparison
Add a comma
,comparison
show examples
car
Fix the agreement mistake
cars
show examples
 is most used in 2010
while
Linking Words
 walking was most used in 1990.
However
Linking Words
, walking, cycling and
Use synonyms
bus
Wrong verb form
busing
show examples
 is used more in 1990 and less in 2010. It can be interpreted that with the advent of technology in 2010, cars were highly preferred as means of
transport
Use synonyms
 which reduced the usage of walking, cycling and
bus
Use synonyms
 as means of
transport
Use synonyms
 in 2010.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however, while".
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 80%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words trips, children, transport, million, bus with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • trips
  • children
  • modes of transport
  • walk
  • cycle
  • public transport
  • drive
  • car
  • trends
  • decrease
  • increase
  • shift
  • convenient
  • comfortable
  • commuting
  • traffic congestion
  • safety concerns
  • significant
  • indicate
  • reasons
  • traffic congestion
  • safety concerns
  • 20-year period
  • doubled
  • considerable margin
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