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Band 6.5

Most high-level positions in companies are filled by men even though the workforce in many developed countries is more than 50 per cent female. Companies should be required to allocate a certain percentage of these positions to women. To what extent do you agree?

#positions #companies #men #workforce #countries #cent #percentage #women
Most high-level
positions
 in
companies
 are filled by men even though the workforce in many developed countries is more than 50 per cent female.
Companies
 should be required to allocate a certain percentage of these
positions
 to women. In many developed
countries'
Correct your spelling
countries
show examples
companies
, females fill more than half of the workforce
whereas
 leader-level
job
 spots are usually occupied by male workers. It is suggested that high-level
job
positions
 should be allocated with an equal
gender
 rate by
companies
. I totally disagree with
this
 statement because
companies
 should hire individuals based on their abilities, and it is harmful for
companies
 to employ a person because of
gender
. On one hand, picking up an individual whose abilities match a vacancy the best benefits the
company
 the most.
This
 is because those potential
staffs
Fix the agreement mistake
staff
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 will work more efficiently as they may have strong educational backgrounds or rich experiences related to the required spots. With a high efficiency, they might generate more profits.
For example
, consider Tesla looking for a software manager to lead a new program, only a candidate with programming and tech skills can handle
this
 position,
thus
 making money.
Therefore
, I think abilities should be the top consideration for
companies
 rather than
a
Remove the article
apply
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gender
 equality.
On the other hand
, allocating
job
positions
 by
gender
 has a negative impact on a
company
 as it can cause a sense of injustice. If a
company
 hires a female with a high salary for a management team because of her
gender
, it is totally unfair to others in the
company
,
hence
 leading to less loyalty and low
job
 satisfaction.
Therefore
, I believe that allocating jobs by
gender
 is harmful to
companies
' development. In conclusion, I absolutely disagree with the statement because
job
 hiring should consider personal ability
first,
and allocating jobs by
gender
 has an obvious negative impact on a
company
.
Submitted by careyche on

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Example Variety
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Cohesion
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Balance
Consider exploring counterarguments to your position for a more balanced discussion.
Clarity and Structure
Your essay clearly presents your viewpoint, offering a well-structured argument.
Relevant Example
You've successfully included a relevant example (Tesla) that concisely supports your argument.
Terminology
Consistent use of appropriate terminology related to the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Gender diversity
  • Affirmative action
  • Meritocracy
  • Quotas
  • Glass ceiling
  • Legal enforcement
  • Tokenism
  • Voluntary measures
  • Career progression
  • Representation
  • Workforce parity
  • Backlash
  • Historical imbalances
  • Corporate governance
  • Inclusive practices
  • Boardroom dynamics
  • Gender norms
  • Unconscious bias
  • Regulatory frameworks
  • Corporate ladder
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