IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

some people say that the best way to improve public health is by incraesing sports facilities. others, however, say that this would have a little effect on puclic health and that other measures are required. discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #health #sports #facilities #effect #puclic #measures
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Sedentary lifestyle and bad eating habits have led to an increase in obesity, which has become a major concern nowadays. Some people believe that the best way of improving people's fitness is by increasing sports facilities,
however
, others say that
this
 may not have a significant effect and other measures like reduction in fast food consumption is required.
This
 essay will discuss both viewpoints and argue why dietary patterns should be modified, specially lowering the usage of high calorie food stuff. Building more grounds, gyms and park would be helpful for people to stay fit. Researches have led it to be a proven fact that daily exercise is necessary for a person to lead a healthy life. Governments should encourage people by advertisement campaigns and passing laws to conduct more sports events in offices, schools and universities. According to a recent study, in Japan, people working in organizations which conducted sports events had lesser medical problems compared to the ones’ those didn’t.
Therefore
, daily workout is considered to be necessary irrespective of age, gender and profession.
However
, others’ including myself, believe that controlling daily diet plays a vital role in human health. Curbing the usage of snack and other high calorie food
such
 as ice cream and cakes would be more helpful. These items result in an increased weight, which is the primary root cause of several diseases.
For example
, public in Thailand consumes mostly vegetables and fruits in their daily appetite, resulting in longer life expectancy. It is
also
 recommended that governments should increase taxes on unhealthy meal to reduce its consumption. In conclusion,
this
 essay
firstly
, discussed how exercise is necessary for people to stay healthy and
secondly
, argued why controlling diet is more important as compared to physical exertion.
Submitted by hammadawan076 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: