Some people think that the government should fund music, dance and arts lessons for children. Others think that they should be funded by private businesses or by children's families. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

In today's time, part of society believes that funding music, dance, and art classes should be done by the ministry for the country's future.
However
, the other part is in favour of private expenditures done by small businesses or their families. I will discuss both views in
this
essay and present mine, which is totally on the side of the first part of society. On the one hand, if extracurricular activities and learning are funded and expanded by the authorities of the state is considered beneficial.
This
is because the ministry holds the power to promote and expand the country's culture through music dance, and arts efficiently.
Moreover
, they can organize and handle free learning for a greater number of people in a better way as they have state funds.
For example
,
this
has been always noticed, a government that invests in its heritage results in good standing for the future.
On the other hand
, investments done by small businesses, schools and parents of children can considerably open doors for rich knowledge.
In other words
, private tutors give more attention to pupils
due to
fewer number of students and better salaries. To add on, parents and school officers can design and modify their schedules,
according to
the school curriculum as tutors who are hired are flexible.
For instance
, Parents can decide the timings for their child's schedule for all dance, music and arts divisions by keeping in mind their school burden and exams as only they are organizing.
To conclude
, learnings organized by personal investments, are good and quality and more adaptable but lessons organized by law are beneficial on a larger scale for more masses.
Submitted by tanyajasleen19012003 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Try to develop your main points with more specific examples and evidence. This will strengthen your argument and provide a more persuasive task response.
coherence & cohesion
Work on creating a more logical structure to your essay by ensuring each paragraph has a clear main idea and the supporting sentences are directly related to it.
coherence & cohesion
Be sure to connect your ideas more clearly using a range of linking words and phrases to improve the readability and flow of your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • cultural development
  • socio-economic backgrounds
  • state-sponsored
  • national identity
  • heritage
  • preservation
  • cultural enrichment
  • creative expression
  • balanced education
  • specialized offerings
  • market demand
  • innovation
  • personal investment
  • commitment
  • learning experience
  • unequal access
  • hybrid approach
  • vibrant
  • equitable
  • arts ecosystem
What to do next:
Look at other essays: