IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people believe that parents should limit their hours of watching TV and playing computer games for children, but instead encourage to read books. Do you agree or disagree?

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In the recent era, where juveniles spend the majority of their leisure
time
Use synonyms
 watching television and playing the online games, it becomes the need of the hour for the guardians to restrict their adolescents in wasting their number of hours in these activities and
instead
Linking Words
 divert these hours toward reading books.I largely agree with
this
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 statement.
First
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 of all,
although
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 it cannot be denied that TV and internet plays an imperative role in the lives of adolescents, but, getting addicted to these facilities sometimes results in ailments like eye problems, stress and Depression and even sometimes results in aggressive conduct and loss of health.
Therefore
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, limiting the viewing hours is of utmost importance and children should be stimulated to go through academic as well as inspirational books that aid them in developing the intellectual skills and widen their horizons.
For instance
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, in a recent survey in Delhi, it has been observed that the kids who are less subjected to Television have high intelligence levels. There are other benefits of studying articles and journals in their free
time
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
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, kids get knowledge about the latest inventions in the area of science and technology and
thus
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, they are in a better position to decide about what is the best career option for them.
Then
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, books
also
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 teach them about the good and bad conducts and how to maintain a balance between social and personal life. To conclude, undoubtedly, juveniles preferred to see TV and play games online, but at the same
time
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, it is the responsibility of the guardians to ensure that kids should spend more
time
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 on books than spending
time
Use synonyms
 watching movies on TV.

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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