IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The graph shows average annual expenditure on cell phone and residential phone services between 2001 and 2010. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.

The graph shows average annual expenditure on cell phone and residential phone services between 2001 and 2010. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.
#expenditure #cell #phone #services #information #features #comparisons
The graph depicts a comparison
on
Change preposition
of
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average
Add an article
the average
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 spending of the people of the U.S on
the
Correct article usage
apply
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mobile phones and landlines
for
Change preposition
apply
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over the period of 10 years from 2001 to 2010.
Overall
, it is evident that
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 the annual spending on
the
Correct article usage
apply
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cellular
phone
 services has sharply increased during the given span of years.
While
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 the residential dial services had a declining trend.
Firstly
, in the period 2001,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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people
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
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spent a huge amount on
the
Correct article usage
apply
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landline services.
On the contrary
, they spent nearly six-time less amount on cellular phones $690 and $200 respectively.
Also
, it can be noted, the money spent on mobile phones had hiked, but the landline expense had a drop at the same rate of $550 in 2006.
In addition
, the land
phone
users
Change noun form
users'
user's
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 spending pattern plunged to $490 in 2010.
However
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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cell
phone
 user spending
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
reached a peak of nearly $800 in the same year. To summarize, though the expense
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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spent on residential service was high during 2001,
but
Correct word choice
apply
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nevertheless
 later on with
pace
Correct article usage
the pace
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 of
movement
Add a comma
,movement
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 the spending on
cellular
Add an article
the cellular
show examples
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
 had a dramatic increase in the given periods.
Submitted by jinijohn009 on

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Vocabulary: Replace the words phone with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 2 times.
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