IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph shows average annual expenditure on cell phone and residential phone services between 2001 and 2010. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph shows average annual expenditure on cell phone and residential phone services between 2001 and 2010. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#expenditure #cell #phone #services #information #features #comparisons
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The graph depicts a comparison
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
average
Add an article
the average
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 spending of the people of the U.S on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
mobile phones and landlines
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
over the period of 10 years from 2001 to 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is evident that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 the annual spending on
the
Correct article usage
apply
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cellular
phone
Use synonyms
 services has sharply increased during the given span of years.
While
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 the residential dial services had a declining trend.
Firstly
Linking Words
, in the period 2001,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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people
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
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spent a huge amount on
the
Correct article usage
apply
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landline services.
On the contrary
Linking Words
, they spent nearly six-time less amount on cellular phones $690 and $200 respectively.
Also
Linking Words
, it can be noted, the money spent on mobile phones had hiked, but the landline expense had a drop at the same rate of $550 in 2006.
In addition
Linking Words
, the land
phone
Use synonyms
users
Change noun form
users'
user's
show examples
 spending pattern plunged to $490 in 2010.
However
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
cell
phone
Use synonyms
 user spending
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
reached a peak of nearly $800 in the same year. To summarize, though the expense
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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spent on residential service was high during 2001,
but
Correct word choice
apply
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nevertheless
Linking Words
 later on with
pace
Correct article usage
the pace
show examples
 of
movement
Add a comma
,movement
show examples
 the spending on
cellular
Add an article
the cellular
show examples
Use synonyms
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
 had a dramatic increase in the given periods.
Submitted by jinijohn009 on

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Vocabulary: Replace the words phone with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 2 times.
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