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Band 6

Some people think that the parents of children who commit crime should also receive a punishment. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #parents #children #crime #punishment
In the contemporary world, juvenile crime plays
such
 a crucial part in our lives. It is asserted that if people who are in their teenage years are guilty of the breach, their
parents
 will
also
 have to be given a penalty. I wholeheartedly agree with
this
 statement, and I will explain why in
this
 essay. First of all,
parents
 must be responsible for their kids owing to the fact that they are all underage
children
. By
this
, I mean that
children
 are not mature enough to realize whether what they are doing is appropriate or inaccurate.
Furthermore
, youthful kids often tend to imitate the person who gave birth to them. In
this
 way, if they are marvellous enough, their son or daughter will not be committed to misconduct.
Last
 but not least, they will have a superior way of raising their offspring.
For instance
, when applying punishment to the
parents
 of the crime who are young
children
, they will teach their offspring more seriously so as not to affect themselves.
However
, I understand that some think divergently, saying that let them take responsibility for their misbehaviours.
This
 is quite true because some people hate their
parents
 after being beaten by their father or scolded by their mother for not allowing them, they will intentionally make mistakes so that their
parents
 will be punished. Having said that,
this
 number of communities is extremely small. In conclusion,
although
 some people claim that
children
 should get penalties because of committing crimes, I believe that
parents
 have a majority of responsibility for their kids’ actions
due to
 being role models in their offspring's life and opine that they ought to be purely optional.
Submitted by Nghỉ hè vui vẻ cả nhà on

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coherence cohesion
Strive for clearer structure in your essay, employing a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea and logically follow from one to the next.
coherence cohesion
Introduce topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to highlight the main idea. Support these ideas with more specific examples and explain how they relate to the topic.
task achievement
Make sure to directly address the essay prompt in your introduction and reiterate your position in the conclusion to ensure a complete response.
task achievement
Try to provide more detailed and relevant examples to support your arguments. Ensure these examples specifically relate to the topic and clearly illustrate your points.
task achievement
While expressing your agreement or disagreement, explore both sides of the argument in a balanced way before stating your conclusion. This will make your essay more comprehensive and your ideas clearer.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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