IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

All over the world, societies are facing a growing problem with obesity. This problem affects both children and adults. What are the reasons for this rise in obesity? How could it be tackled?

#world #societies #obesity #children #adults #rise
Obesity is a pressing issue that many countries are experiencing. The ubiquitous presence of fast-
food
 chain restaurants, serving high-calorie meals loaded with fats and sodium, and neglecting to cook wholesome meals at home are among the underlying causes, but there are possible ways of curbing
this
 unhealthy trend. One of the leading causes of
the high
Suggestion
the highest
 obesity rate is the high intake of junk
food
,
such
 as hamburgers, chips, or fried chicken. Many people prefer takeaway meals containing a high content of salt and fat rather than healthy meals at home because of their convenience.
For instance
, in the UK, the sales of junk
food
 have increased over the
last
 few years because it is simple and easy to place online orders. Another cause of obesity is attributed to people’s sedentary lifestyle.
Instead
 of playing outdoor sports, people would prefer to watch their
favorite
something regarded with special favor or liking
favourite
 movies on TV or to play video games on the Internet while munching chips.
This
 often results in the empty calories being transformed into fat. There are a couple of tactics that the government could use to promote healthy habits. One tactic is for the government to put a tax on unhealthy
food
.
This
 would encourage consumers to abstain from junk
food
 and start preparing
food
 at home. The compounding costs of tax on top of the
food
 itself would make people turn to alternatives,
such
 as home-cooked
food
. Another tactic is the government should ban the advertising of unhealthy
food
 on the mass media,
such
 as TV and the Internet. As children have not fully developed their rational judgments, they could not resist the urge to buy these products when stumbling upon the appealing images of them. In conclusion, I am convinced that the issue of obesity is attributed to a sedentary life and the convenience of buying fast
food
, and hopefully, some tactics,
such
 as a tax and prohibition on advertising fast
food
, would lead people to embrace healthy lifestyles.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Obesity
  • Overweight
  • Epidemic
  • Sedentary
  • Processed food
  • Fast food
  • Nutritional education
  • Awareness
  • Stress
  • Emotional eating
  • Genetic factors
  • Access
  • Healthy food options
  • Marketing
  • Urbanization
  • Lifestyles
What to do next:
Look at other essays: