Although there are number of gyms, people are leading a sedentary lifestyle. Discuss the problems associated with these issues and give the solutions for the same.

In the current world, we are facing an
issue
where
people
tend to do little physical exercise, no matter that there are plenty of gyms.
This
issue
can be associated with a lack of
awareness
among
people
about the importance of a healthy
lifestyle
. A viable solution to tackle
this
issue
is by raising
awareness
of the pivotal aspects of being healthy. Not all
people
consider that health is a significant thing in their lives.
This
relates to the fact that individuals have tended to take health for granted before they get sick. They will eat whatever they want, not caring about the low nutrients contained in their food. Soon, it will lead to obesity, a higher cholesterol level, diabetes, and other heart problems. It is getting worse with a sedentary
lifestyle
,
while
individuals do no or little movements, just sitting all day long.
For example
, a friend of mine gets a complicated disease because of her obesity. Her heart is weakened
due to
diabetes and high cholesterol levels. She has never done any exercise, because she has never thought that her condition will become that bad. A solution
that is
proving successful in many areas is raising
awareness
programs. These programs are not only conducted by the governments but
also
by the volunteers. The governments can massively spread
awareness
through media and every institution under their control. The volunteers can directly reach men and women in their area through public events or door-to-door schemes. A survey carried out in the town of Jombang proved that the involvement of governments in raising
awareness
programs had increased the healthy
lifestyle
of its
people
by 30% in 2023.
Moreover
, the involvement of the volunteers had increased the same aspect by 42%. In conclusion, the
issue
where humans tend to be physically inactive, no matter that there are plenty of gyms, can be solved by raising
awareness
about the pivotal of a healthy
lifestyle
.
Submitted by mayaanita.studi on

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task achievement
The essay addresses the topic well and covers the problems and solutions effectively. However, it could be improved by adding more specific details and examples to strengthen the arguments.
coherence cohesion
The essay is clearly structured with an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. To improve, ensure smooth transitions between paragraphs and expand on key points for better coherence.
coherence cohesion
The introduction clearly sets the stage for the discussion and the conclusion effectively summarizes the main points.
task achievement
The essay provides relevant examples and personal anecdotes, which make the arguments more relatable and concrete.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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