IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Due to the development and rapid expansion of supermarkets in some countries, many small, local business are unable to compete. Some people think that the closure of local business will bring about the death of local communities. To what extent do you agree or disagree ?

#development #expansion #supermarkets #countries #business #people #closure #death #communities
In recent years, the proliferation of supermarket has left local stores little room to compete and
accordingly
 make them to close their business.
This
 desperately ending is generally believed to result in the loss of local communities, which fails to gain my support. There is no doubt that the existence of supermarkets will develop local commerce and activities.
Firstly
, these can help guarantee the substantial output of regional products, which help maintain the frequent production of local business.
For instance
, the perishable food of farmers ranging from vegetables, fruits to dairy products can be well-preserved.
Thus
, supermarkets help flourish commercial activities
instead
 of harming them.
Secondly
, if retailing businesses increase government finance through taxes, local authorities will be able to distribute
this
 monetary gain to organize periodical events
such
 as festival, outdoor games or build community halls for citizens to gather. It is evident that the extension of shopping malls can be beneficial to the regional dwellers.
First
, the unemployment rate can be reduced due to more employment opportunities.
In other words
, the erection of these buildings requires both manual labour like constructor or plumber and intellectual workers
such
 as accountant or salesman,
therefore
, there are more job positions available for the resident.
Second
, big supermarkets offer many facilities ranging from cinema, game centre to the food court for customers to enjoy while shopping. A recent survey in HCM city has shown that inhabitants here love going to shopping
centers
an area that is approximately central within some larger region
centres
 because they can either shop for daily necessity or entertain. In conclusion,
although
 the proliferation of supermarkets may threaten the local business existence, I believe
this
 has just negatively affected the local population to a small extent since it brings more benefits to both the local economy and residents.
Submitted by voez0001 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: