IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

In the interest of maintaining local culture, governments should support projects such as local film industries in order to offer alternatives to mass produced culture, such as Hollywood. How important is it to preserve traditional cultures in the face of globalization and in what ways can it be achieved? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Virtual
media
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 plays an important role in the lives of
people
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.
Thus
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, it is in the interest of governments to support local film industries to preserve their local culture. I believe that it is essential for local film industries to be given priority by the state because individuals can be easily influenced through
media
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 depictions.
To begin
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 with, we must understand that local cultures and customs should be made known to
people
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 belonging to those groups.
People
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 often don't have time to go through books containing relevant information, but they are interested when shown videos that cover the same topics.
Therefore
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, they can easily be influenced by Hollywood movies, as their quality is far more advanced compared to others. To tackle
this
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 situation, it is crucial for the film industry of a country to be backed by state authorities so that they can produce high-quality films.
For example
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, in India, the movie "Brahmastra" was made, which was compared with the Marvel series as it featured heroes with special powers who are
also
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 considered gods in
Hindu
Correct article usage
the Hindu
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 religion.
Furthermore
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, authorities should support filmmakers as they can spread awareness and positive messages throughout the country much faster than any other
media
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.
For example
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, a movie was made in India named "Padman", in which a man creates a sanitary pad by himself for his wife in a village.
People
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 living in villages are generally not aware of female issues, so
this
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 was a great initiative to spread awareness. In conclusion, I believe that funding should be provided to
media
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 producers so that they can create movies that preserve local values and traditions.

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Task Achievement
To improve your task response score, ensure your essay directly addresses the prompt and comprehensively covers all aspects of the question. In this case, expand on the significance of preserving traditional cultures in the face of globalization, and provide a more detailed discussion on the various methods that can achieve this, beyond just support for local film industries.
Coherence and Cohesion
For better coherence and cohesion, work on smoothly connecting your ideas and paragraphs. Use a range of linking phrases and topic sentences to guide the reader through your argument. Organize your essay into clear paragraphs, each focused on a distinct aspect of your response to the topic.
Supported Main Points
Ensure your main points are well-supported with specific examples or evidence. While you have provided examples, they could be more effectively integrated into your argument to illustrate your points. Try to link these examples directly back to your main argument about the importance of preserving traditional culture.
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