In many countries, children are becoming overweight and unhealthy. Some people think that government should have the responsibility. To what extend do you agree or disagree ?

#countries #children #people #government #responsibility

In recent years, people especia

lly children have

Accept comma addition

people, especially

to deal with many dangerous health problem,

such

as over

Suggestion

problems

weight, poor resistance,…

Although

there are some people believe that the

government

should take full responsibility for

this

problem, I think that parents and

school

also

play very vital role in creating the issue. On the one hand, there are some reaso

n t

Suggestion

hat some people believe that the

government

is the one to blame for.

Firstly

, there is lack of entert

ainm

Suggestion

a lack

the lack

ent area for children to play outdoor.

Inste

ad of b

Suggestion

outdoors

uilding park or zoo or

amu

Suggestion

the park

a park

sement park, authorities now logging many trees to keep land to build super market a

nd many high

Suggestion

a supermarket

supermarket

-rise apartments. So as the consequent,

instead

of playing outdoor activities children will spend most of their time at home and watching TV and playing game on intern

et,

Suggestion

games

whic

h lead t

Suggestion

the internet

o many curious mental and spirit health.

Suggestion

spiritual

Secondly

, the

government

is allowing the production of too many drinks and foods which is harmful for child’s he

alt

Suggestion

the child’s health

a child’s health

such

as junk and fast food,… Those food will make

the

Suggestion

foods

m cause obesity.

On the other hand

, I think that parents and

school

should

also

take responsibility for

this

problem. Because children spend most of their time at home so parents should supervise carefully their and make sure that they can participate in outdoor activities and limit them from eating so many foods which have fat and sugar.

Furthermore

school

should educates stude

nts abou

Suggestion

educate

t the harmful effect of electronic devices and fatty foods, and organize more sports at schoolyard

such

as football or swimming. In short, the

government

absolutely hav

e responsibilit

Suggestion

absolutely has

y for the obesity of the youth.

However

, it is

also

the task for parents and

school

to help their child has better lifestyle.

Submitted by thanhtrang123453 on Tue Feb 25 2020

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

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I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
15Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

286 words

5.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 8.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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In many countries, children are becoming overweight and unhealthy. Some people think that government should have the responsibility. To what extend do you agree or disagree ?

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

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