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Writing Samples
Band 5

Studies suggested that nowadays children watch much more television than they did in the past and spend less time on active or creative things. What are the reasons? And what measures should be taken to encourage children to spend more time on active or creative things ?

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In recent years, a significant growth
of
Change preposition
in
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 TV addiction
becomes
Wrong verb form
has become
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 popular. At the same
time
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, laziness among adolescents is no longer uncommon. It can be attributed to several factors, which
from
Verb problem
range from
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 the family to society. One primary reason is the rapid advancement of technology. With the widespread availability of televisions, smartphones, and online streaming platforms,
children
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 are easily drawn into screen-based entertainment.
For example
Linking Words
,
Youtube analyzes
Correct your spelling
YouTube analyses
users’ viewing habits and generates algorithm-based content recommendations, especially long TV film series that keep viewers glued to the screen. Another contributing factor is the lack of parental supervision. Many parents are occupied with work and household responsibilities, leading
children
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 to rely on television as an entertainment tool.
Additionally
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, after school hours, there is little
time
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 for team-building
activities
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, which leads
children
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 to become less physically active and spend less
time
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 playing outdoors. If
this
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 situation continues, it will become a major problem for
the
Correct article usage
their
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 future
of them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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. To tackle
this
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 issue, several solutions should be implemented.
Firstly
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, family members need to spend more
time
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 caring for their
children
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 and talking with them about daily life.
Secondly
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, schools should
organize
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organise
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 more extracurricular
activities
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 like sports, yoya, deep-talk
time
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 and reduce homework.
Finally
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, governments and local authorities should develop more public playgrounds and celebrate sports
activities
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 to encourage
children
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 to spend more
time
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 outdoors. In conclusion, it is undeniable that modern technology and entertainment media have contributed to the growing amount of
time
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children
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 spend watching television
,
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;
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however
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, the key issue is in the way
which
Correct pronoun usage
it
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 is managed and balanced alongside other important
activities
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 in a child’s daily life.

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task response
Answer both parts more fully. You give reasons and ways, but some ideas are short.
task response
Add one more clear example for the solutions part.
coherence and cohesion
Make each main idea easier to see. Start each body paragraph with one clear topic sentence.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas more smoothly with words like first, also, for example, and as a result.
coherence and cohesion
Check that each sentence clearly connects to the one before it.
task response
You answer both questions in the task.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion.
task response
You use a relevant example about YouTube recommendations.
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