Studies suggested that nowadays children watch much more television than they did in the past and spend less time on active or creative things. What are the reasons? And what measures should be taken to encourage children to spend more time on active or creative things ?

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In recent years, the age at which
children
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are exposed to technology has significantly decreased. Television and digital devices have become so widespread that
children
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can access them easily at any time, often without proper supervision from adults.
As a result
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, many adolescents are spending increasing amounts of time on screens
while
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having less space and opportunity for physical and creative
activities
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. One major reason for
this
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trend is that television and digital media are now available almost everywhere. With smartphones, smart TVs, and streaming platforms,
children
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can watch programs at home, in public places, or even on the move.
Moreover
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, parental supervision is often limited, as many parents are busy with work and daily responsibilities.
Consequently
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,
children
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tend to rely heavily on screens for entertainment.
In addition
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, modern urban lifestyles provide fewer safe outdoor spaces, which
further
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reduces opportunities for physical play and social interaction. As
this
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problem continues to grow, attention must shift toward practical interventions from different stakeholders.
Firstly
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, at a wider level, as screen-based entertainment has become an unavoidable part of modern life, it should be used more purposefully rather than avoided,
for
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instance
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instance,
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through educational applications that enhance cognitive and creative skills.
Secondly
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, families should encourage
children
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to engage in alternative
activities
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such
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as chess, camping, reading, and outdoor games that promote creativity and physical development.
Finally
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, governments and local authorities should invest in public playgrounds and promote sports
activities
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to increase
children
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’s participation in outdoor recreation. In conclusion,
while
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it is clear that
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children
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today have less time for physical and creative
activities
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due to
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the dominance of screen-based media, the most effective solution is not avoidance but better management. By combining guidance from families, schools, and technology itself,
children
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can develop in a more balanced and comprehensive way.

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task response
Answer both parts more fully. You explain the reasons well, but the ways to solve the problem need a little more detail.
task response
Add one or two more clear examples, like a school club or a family plan for screen time.
task response
Some ideas are good but a bit broad. Make each main idea more direct and easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay is easy to follow overall, but some long sentences may make the meaning less clear.
coherence and cohesion
Linking words are used well, but do not use too many formal ones in one paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Each body paragraph has a clear focus, which is good. You can make the support for each point a little stronger.
task response
You answer both the cause and the solution parts of the task.
task response
Your main ideas are clear and mostly relevant to the topic.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Your ideas move in a logical order from problem to solution.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example
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