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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below compares changes in the birth rate of china and the usa betwwen 1920 and 2000.

The graph below compares changes in the birth rate of china and the usa betwwen 1920 and 2000.
#changes #birth #rate #china #usa #betwwen
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The line graph illustrates how the percentages of
birth
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
rate
Fix the agreement mistake
rates
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 vary in China and the USA over an
eight year
Add a hyphen
eight-year
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 period starting from 1920 to 2000.
Overall
Linking Words
, there were dramatic fluctuations in the rates of
birth
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 both countries which leads to downward trends. An analysis of the data shows
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
Correct article usage
the child
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child
Correct your spelling
childbirth
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birth
Use synonyms
rate
Use synonyms
 in china was 10
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
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 from 1920 to 1930.
After
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
, it rose steeply and touch the mark 15 in around 1935.
Then
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
rate
Add an article
the rate
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 declined rapidly to 5
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 and became consistent from 1935 to 1945.
At
Change preposition
In
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 1950,
Use synonyms
birth
Add an article
the birth
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rate
Use synonyms
 reached
at
Correct your spelling
a
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 peak value
by
Change preposition
of
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 20
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
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 and
after
Linking Words
Linking Words
this
Add a comma
,this
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 it was continuously shown a decreased pattern which stopped at
utmost
Correct article usage
the utmost
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 2 in 2000.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
birth
Add an article
the birth
a birth
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rate
Use synonyms
 of children in the USA has been just above
than
Change preposition
apply
show examples
10
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 in 1920. After some blips
rate
Use synonyms
 dipped to 5
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 in 1945 and
then
Linking Words
 it
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
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reached
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a peak of 15
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 in 1950 which is 10
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 more than
1945
Change preposition
in 1945
show examples
.
Submitted by saud67029 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "after this".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words birth, rate, percent with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • birth rate
  • demographic data
  • trend
  • fluctuate
  • One-Child Policy
  • Great Depression
  • Baby Boom
  • fertility rate
  • economic development
  • population control
  • statistical analysis
  • life expectancy
  • decade
  • millennium
  • contraception
  • data interpretation
  • demographic transition
  • family planning
  • healthcare advancements
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