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Writing Samples
Band 5

More and more people in the city live in homes with small spaces or no outdoor areas. Do you think it is a negative or positive development?

#people #city #homes #spaces #areas #development
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One of ever-challenging issues in the metropolises is accommodation, due to overpopulation, people
are enforced
Suggestion
is enforced
 to live in cramped flats.
Although
 there are some positive consequences of
this
 matter on society and individuals, I believe they are outweighed by negative features. On the individual aspect, overpopulation that can be attributed to high birth rate and immigration seems to be a determinative factor in
size
Suggestion
the size
 of the houses.
For
example forty
Accept comma addition
example, forty
 square meters flats that are very popular in china, was built without bedroom and outdoor space. Without having enough space, house owners gradually become unmotivated to expand their family
subsequently
 they are encouraged to have a small pet. On a larger scale, under
effect
Suggestion
the effect
 of space limitation, they could not schedule
party
Suggestion
a party
 of outdoor activities,
such
 as barbeque, which in turn reduce their social communication.
Finally
, it is not an overstatement to say that the vast majority of mental-related disease in our society is the long-term consequence of reducing the size of homes.
However
, the bright sides of
this
 development should not be overlooked. In
the smaller
Suggestion
the small
 house, parents could nurture their children without
babysitter
Suggestion
a babysitter
, because their children are always in front of their eyes.
Furthermore
, Living in the apartment have changed citizens’ lifestyle, in the big
cities people
Accept comma addition
cities, people
 usually see their own houses as a place for sleeping and bathing
,
Accept space
,
and they do other outdoor activities in the parks and coffee shops which is very enjoyable for them. In conclusion, in spite of a few positive features of
this
 development, I do believe that cramped flats bring about a lot of drew backs for both individuals and society.

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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