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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows radio and television audiences throughout the day in 1992. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below shows radio and television audiences throughout the day in 1992. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The chart illustrated the percentage of people using the television and radio in the UK during a day in 1992.
Overall
Linking Words
,
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of them had never exceeded the ratio of %50. Looking
a
Change preposition
at a
show examples
graph of users of television, we see that the percentage of television
audience
Fix the agreement mistake
audiences
show examples
 had increased
about
Change preposition
by about
show examples
 %5 from zero between 6 a.
m
Use synonyms
. and noon.
Then
Linking Words
, it
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
reached the peak value
about
Change preposition
of about
show examples
 %50 at 8 p.
m
Use synonyms
. by increasing markedly.
However
Linking Words
, after that value, the gradual declining had occurred until 2 a.
m
Use synonyms
.
Finally
Linking Words
, the ratio almost
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
remained
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 in
Linking Words
next
Correct article usage
the next
show examples
 4 hours. Turning to the changes
Change preposition
in
show examples
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the radio audiences, it is clearly seen that, from 6 a.
m
Use synonyms
. to 10 a.
m
Use synonyms
. the percentage of them had rocketed to its peak value
nearly
Change preposition
of nearly
show examples
 %30 from about %5.
However
Linking Words
, despite
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
some exception, it was followed by
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 considerably decreasing to reach about %3
in
Change the preposition
at
show examples
 the beginning of the day.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words m with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "ratio" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 4 times.
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