Gaming has become a popular e-sport and has been included in some regional and international sports events. Some people advocate this, claiming that there is almost no risk of injury with e-sports; others are worried that the increasing popularity of competitive gaming tournaments may exacerbate video game addiction among young people.

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Gaming is becoming a matter of concern among people as it is overwhelmingly popular in

this

Linking Words

digital era.

As a result

Linking Words

, playing games is now considered as

e-sport

Use synonyms

including several regional and international sport events. While

e-sport

Use synonyms

is believed to minimize the risk of injury, I suppose that it may encourage more youngsters to be involved in gaming addiction. On the one hand, there are several reasons why video game is beneficial to players.

Firstly

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, the physical damages in the conventional sports will be vanished when engaging in

e-sport

Use synonyms

This

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is due to the fact that gaming is an indoor activity, which only requires the skills of player in controlling by keyboards and mouse.

As a result

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, the dangers in physical injury might be reduced for the participants and the viewers.

Furthermore

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, gaming may help children to develop some essential skills

such

Linking Words

as cooperation, which are often felt to be an excellent preparation for their adulthood;

therefore

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, the discrimination between gaming tournaments and others should be deleted as they all have the positives for players.

On the other hand

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, a few potential drawbacks of playing games can jeopardize the youth.

First

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and foremost, the games are said to be extremely addictive to youngsters, meaning that the development of

this

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kind of entertainment will distract them from their academic career and affect badly to their performance at school.

Moreover

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, young people with a tremendous amount of time on gaming will have a sedentary lifestyle, which is the main cause of the rise in obesity. Henceforth, they will suffer from some cardiovascular diseases and heart attacks. In conclusion, while it can be argued that game tournaments bring various merits to the players, I think the detrimental effects of

this

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e-sport

Use synonyms

can ruin the physical health and academic performance of young people.

Submitted by toithichconsole on Fri Feb 28 2020

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Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

7.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

299 words

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