IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some people think that increasing communication usage of computers and mobile phones by young people has had a negative effect on their reading and writing skills. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #communication #usage #computers #phones #effect #skills
It is believed that in some nations
owing to have
Wrong verb form
having
show examples
guns
 by individuals results in an increase in the number of shootings. I agree with
this
 notion to a large extent as
this
 is
worrying
Correct article usage
a worrying
show examples
 problem that looks set to continue.
To begin
 with, issuing weapons by legal authorities
such
 as
guns
 to
the
Correct article usage
apply
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army officers, civil officers, celebrities, affluent class is for the sake of their protection at home or any unplanned social events.
This
 is because it makes them feel more secure and ready to tackle any danger
such
 as terror activities.
For instance
, if any well-known businessman travels with valuable documents in order to fix important business
deal
Fix the agreement mistake
deals
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, it would be helpful for him to have
guns
 for his safety.
Therefore
, having arms sometimes
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
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 individual life safer and easier. Even though it makes some people safe, the cumulative increase in
sum
Add an article
the sum
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 of
guns
 would proportionately increase
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 statistic of shootings in society. It is generally seen that aggression makes one oblivious about wrong and right decisions which leads to many unpremeditated crimes.
For instance
, The International Crime Bureau recently revealed statistics showing that more than 50%
Change preposition
of shooting
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shooting
Fix the agreement mistake
shootings
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 by
the
Correct article usage
apply
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private gun
owner
Fix the agreement mistake
owners
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had
Verb problem
were
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 done in the urge
of getting
Change preposition
to get
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 revenge
as
Change preposition
in
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a
Correct article usage
the
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 heat of the moment.
Apart from
this
, many times
guns
 at
homes
Fix the agreement mistake
home
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 are accessed by teenagers for the urge
of knowing
Change preposition
to know
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 how it works in the absence of their possessors and mistakenly it could cause serious happenings.
Hence
, it shows that easily accessible
guns
making
Wrong verb form
make
show examples
 shooting more common. To recapitulate,
although
 having
guns
 made a segment of society protected,
rise
Correct article usage
the rise
show examples
 in the number of
guns
possesses
Wrong verb form
possessed
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 has been widening the shooting rate in terms of reacting in short temper and using improperly by teenagers.

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task response
Task Response: You need to provide a balanced argument rather than simply agreeing with the notion. Consider addressing both the positive and negative effects of increasing communication usage.
coherence cohesion
Coherence and Cohesion: The logical structure of your essay is somewhat clear, but the introduction and conclusion need to be more developed. Additionally, the supporting points need better organization and linking between them.
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