IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that increasing communication usage of computers and mobile phones by young people has had a negative effect on their reading and writing skills. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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It is believed that in some nations
owing to have
Wrong verb form
having
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guns
Use synonyms
 by individuals results in an increase in the number of shootings. I agree with
this
Linking Words
 notion to a large extent as
this
Linking Words
 is
worrying
Correct article usage
a worrying
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 problem that looks set to continue.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, issuing weapons by legal authorities
such
Linking Words
 as
guns
Use synonyms
 to
the
Correct article usage
apply
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army officers, civil officers, celebrities, affluent class is for the sake of their protection at home or any unplanned social events.
This
Linking Words
 is because it makes them feel more secure and ready to tackle any danger
such
Linking Words
 as terror activities.
For instance
Linking Words
, if any well-known businessman travels with valuable documents in order to fix important business
deal
Fix the agreement mistake
deals
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, it would be helpful for him to have
guns
Use synonyms
 for his safety.
Therefore
Linking Words
, having arms sometimes
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
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 individual life safer and easier. Even though it makes some people safe, the cumulative increase in
sum
Add an article
the sum
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 of
guns
Use synonyms
 would proportionately increase
a
Correct article usage
the
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 statistic of shootings in society. It is generally seen that aggression makes one oblivious about wrong and right decisions which leads to many unpremeditated crimes.
For instance
Linking Words
, The International Crime Bureau recently revealed statistics showing that more than 50%
Change preposition
of shooting
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shooting
Fix the agreement mistake
shootings
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 by
the
Correct article usage
apply
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private gun
owner
Fix the agreement mistake
owners
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had
Verb problem
were
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 done in the urge
of getting
Change preposition
to get
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 revenge
as
Change preposition
in
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a
Correct article usage
the
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 heat of the moment.
Apart from
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
, many times
guns
Use synonyms
 at
homes
Fix the agreement mistake
home
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 are accessed by teenagers for the urge
of knowing
Change preposition
to know
show examples
 how it works in the absence of their possessors and mistakenly it could cause serious happenings.
Hence
Linking Words
, it shows that easily accessible
guns
Use synonyms
making
Wrong verb form
make
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 shooting more common. To recapitulate,
although
Linking Words
 having
guns
Use synonyms
 made a segment of society protected,
rise
Correct article usage
the rise
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 in the number of
guns
Use synonyms
possesses
Wrong verb form
possessed
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 has been widening the shooting rate in terms of reacting in short temper and using improperly by teenagers.

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task response
Task Response: You need to provide a balanced argument rather than simply agreeing with the notion. Consider addressing both the positive and negative effects of increasing communication usage.
coherence cohesion
Coherence and Cohesion: The logical structure of your essay is somewhat clear, but the introduction and conclusion need to be more developed. Additionally, the supporting points need better organization and linking between them.
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