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Band 6

The chart below shows the different levels of post-school qualifications in Australia and the proportion of men and women who held them in 1999.

The chart below shows the different levels of post-school qualifications in Australia and the proportion of men and women who held them in 1999.
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The bar chart compares post-school educational attainment among
men
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 and
women
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 in Australia in 1999. As a whole,
men
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 were ahead of
women
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 in terms of their highest educational qualifications in Australia, and three out of five types of post-school educational qualifications, namely - post-graduate
diploma
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, skilled vocational
diploma
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 and masters degree, were mostly attended by
men
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. In
details
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detail
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, those who had a post-graduate
diploma
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 and Master's degree were dominated by 70% and 60%
men
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 respectively. The ratio of
women
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 who had post-graduation
qualification
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qualifications
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 was much lower. Another important aspect of the graph is that there was a remarkable number of
men
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, 90%, who took up a 'skilled vocational
diploma
Use synonyms
 course' which left
women
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 to only just a tenth. Since
men
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 continued their education and achieved post-graduate qualifications, females with an undergraduate
diploma
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 much outweighed the ratio of males.
Finally
Linking Words
, the proportion of
male
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males
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 whose highest education was a bachelor's degree was about 45%,
whereas
Linking Words
 the
females'
Change noun form
females
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 ratio was somewhat more than that.

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words men, women, diploma with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "ratio" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • post-school qualifications
  • proportion
  • bachelor degrees
  • vocational diplomas
  • certificates
  • gender divide
  • educational trends
  • higher education
  • qualifications
  • disparities
  • predominantly
  • patterns
  • trends
  • illustrates
  • distribution
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