IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

It is crucial for all towns and cities to have large public spaces such as parks and squares. Do you agree or disagree?

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These days, a host of individuals suppose that public venues are beneficial for the
residents
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 of any town or
city
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. I strongly concur with
this
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 statement.
This
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 essay will articulate some reasons in the following paragraphs. Admittedly, there are several reasons for
this
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 argument. First and foremost is having public places located in cities and towns which can build a sense of community. To explain, the bonding activities that
residents
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 can enjoy together. It is not only beneficial for humans but
also
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 develops social skills. To be more precise, individuals to have enough space and create beautiful memories with their friends and family members.
For example
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, the United States has shown better mental health of
residents
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 after placing several parks in their living areas.
Besides
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this
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, public areas can improve the
overall
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 convenience for
residents
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.
Moreover
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, public spaces can reduce the need for travelling too far. To illustrate, reaching the destination as the space is free and located a
city
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 centre in everyone.
For instance
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, researchers show that more than 30% of individuals come from outside to enjoy local venues
instead
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 of staying at home.
Therefore
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, the mental health of people is improving day by day. Despite
this
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, potentially can improve the environmental state of the
city
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 as well because decreases the use of transport and reduces greenhouse gases. In conclusion,
although
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 it is relevant to have public locations for
residents
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 to enjoy because it brings convenience and pleasure my opinion having at least one local place in the
city
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such
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 as a park and square spreads the quality of of
city
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 town.

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task achievement
Enhance the clarity of ideas by ensuring that each paragraph only presents one main idea distinctively. This helps in maintaining a sharper focus.
task achievement
Some evidence or examples supporting your points could be a bit more varied or detailed, adding depth to the argument.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each idea within the paragraphs is logically connected, which can strengthen the argument and make it easier for readers to follow along.
coherence cohesion
Introduction and conclusion are clear and summarize the key points well.
coherence cohesion
The essay maintains a logical flow with appropriate transitions between paragraphs.
task achievement
The essay addresses several aspects of the topic, providing a broad perspective.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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