IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that a person’s criminal record should be removed when they reach the age of 18. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #person’s #record #age
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Most people assays that juvenile delinquency
record
Use synonyms
 should be removed
,
Accept space
,
once they attain the
age
Use synonyms
 of 18.I strongly agree
to
Suggestion
with
 the statement.In
this
Linking Words
 essay
,
Accept space
,
am going to discuss about it.
Chidren
Suggestion
Children
 when they are in young
age
Use synonyms
,
Accept space
,
have more occasions to do the
crime
Use synonyms
 which depends on their scenario in where they live.These crimes
are tend
Suggestion
tend
 to be
juvenile according
Accept comma addition
juvenile, according
 to the law.
Eventhough
Suggestion
,
Accept space
,
it is a
crime
Use synonyms
,
Accept space
,
all the formalities pursued by the legal authority should not to be continued after the teenage.Since
,
Accept space
,
the
crime
Use synonyms
 may happened without their valuable knowledge and it can make the conditions of the life more deplorable.
For instance
Linking Words
,
Accept space
,
their education can be continued in the special care of the higher authority.They could be
bring
Suggestion
brought
 back to the same lifestyle as early as they live.In some occasions the severity of the
crime
Use synonyms
may depends
Suggestion
may depend
 on their self offence.In
such
Linking Words
 cases
,
Accept space
,
if the
record
Use synonyms
 is maintained after the
age
Use synonyms
 of 18
,
Accept space
,
it affects the life of children.Sometimes their psychological development
also
Linking Words
 affect.So my suggestion is the
record
Use synonyms
 is not needed after 18.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
Accept space
,
some assume that it is essential to maintain the records till the end.They
clearly states
Suggestion
clearly state
 that,
crime
Use synonyms
 does not depend on their
Use synonyms
age but
Accept comma addition
age, but
 it totally depends on the severity and type of the
crime
Use synonyms
.The other groups consider everyone as same case
eventhough
Suggestion
even though
 they are children.A small excuses can be given for the punishment.
Although
Linking Words
 they are criminals their limit leads only to a certain level. To conclude
,
Accept space
,
most people claim that
Use synonyms
crime
Suggestion
criminal
record
Use synonyms
 should be removed after the
age
Use synonyms
 of 18.From my opinion
,
Accept space
,
I strongly agree to the above statement.So that it will not affect the psychological development.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: