IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

1. The number of older people is increasing. Some people think it will cause problem to their countries, others believe this group is important to the society. Discuss both view and give your own opinion.

#people #countries #group #society
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There are different beliefs about the increasing number of aging people. While several people pointing that it will create a bad situation for the whole country, others argue that it can be a beneficial substance to the society.
This
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 essay will
first
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, describe both of these sides and
then
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 produce my personal opinion. It is undoubtedly true that increasing retired workers can involved in the less challenging work.
Moreover
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, due to their low immune system, they required huge medical treatment throughout their upcoming life journey.
Result
Suggestion
The result
 of
this
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, they cannot earn good money and cannot pay the taxes, and they have to rely on the facilities sponsored by the government.
Thus
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, the financial burden on government will be increased and eventually the economy of the country will be degraded.
At
Suggestion
On
 the other side, where people urge that
such
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 older group of people is vitally important to the community because of their huge knowledge and a number of years’ practical experience. They might be suggesting that the information and the skill senior people have that can save company’s huge money and time.
For example
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, if an IT guy stuck at some error or could not find any solution of the problem, than the senior person who has been through
such
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 ups and down so many times in his life with the same kind of error can solve it quickly.
Hence
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, it saves precious time and can easily teach to the junior. In conclusion,
although
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 the older people demand medical expenses and provide less contribution in the tax, I believe that they can guide and enhance the productivity of young generation with the help of their own knowledge and experience, and can support the society.
Submitted by Ishaan433 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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