IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Do children behave better when they are physical punished or rewarded. Discuss both the views and give your opinion.

#children
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Behavior
Suggestion
Behaviour
 is a serious kind of an art, particularly for children and it could have
direct impact
Suggestion
a direct impact
by
Suggestion
of
 how, we handle them. A
child
Use synonyms
 can grab all data
such
Linking Words
 as
conversation
Suggestion
a conversation
the conversation
 between parents, guests come to the home and approach to the elders, known as grandma and grandpa. Parents, in
such
Linking Words
 a way, convey
message
Suggestion
messages
 to their children. They teach them respectful and disrespectful activities. All of
such
Linking Words
behavior
manner of acting or controlling yourself
behaviour
 guidance, children have their own practice, which they got from the society. An unfair
behavior
manner of acting or controlling yourself
behaviour
 could lead parents to get
annoy
Suggestion
annoyed
annoying
, tend to lose their tolerance level and physically abuse the children. Punish the
child
Use synonyms
 will never bring the solution, rather reward for a good act could encourage to follow the same. In fact spend more time and explain the situation, would help the
child
Use synonyms
to avoid
Suggestion
avoid
such
Linking Words
 instance in
future
Suggestion
the future
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, Punishments could look like a great deal, seems to be an instant action for a bad
behavior
manner of acting or controlling yourself
behaviour
. After
certain period
Suggestion
a certain period
,
Use synonyms
child
Suggestion
the child
a child
 could have in the mind, how
such
Linking Words
 actions impact and mentally get prepared to face the consequences.
Secondly
Linking Words
, hitting the
child
Use synonyms
 is considered as unfair and unlawful on most part of the world.
Finally
Linking Words
, physically abusing a
child
Use synonyms
 make other
child
Use synonyms
 scare, might create a bad impression.
Thus
Linking Words
, in my opinion, a balanced action could be better. A fearful
child
Use synonyms
 might not
successful
Suggestion
successfully
, facing world would be harder. Friendly parents can guide their children far better, rather than physical punishments.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: