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Writing Samples
Band 7

Directors of large organizations earn much higher salaries than ordinary employees do. Some people think it is necessary, but others are of the opinion that it is unfair. Discuss both views and give your own opinions.

#directors #organizations #salaries #employees #people
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Company heads are receiving more salary rather than their employees. I believe that,
although
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 they have a full right to it because they launched the company in the beginning and have main roles ,
however
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, ordinary workers are
also
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 candidates for high financial payment because they may do more physical and dangerous work. On the one hand, in some ways, directors should get greater income. The reason is, they have run a business and established the company from the start.
Also
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, they are responsible for the staff and always should control the status and priority of the organization in charge of success. To give an example, in the entertainment sphere, the person who directs the film has the full potential to earn more, for the reason that their role in film production is unreplaceable as they should collect the scenery and choose suitable actors via casting which requires energy and money.
In addition
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, in a whole film shooting period they should look through the process and the quality of the result depends on them.
On the other hand
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,I agree with those who argue that employed individuals are likely to get more pay.
As well as
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 they have hectic schedules and more working hours than their employers.
Moreover
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,
while
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 completing their responsibilities, some of them may put in danger their lives. Those who work in new building constructions have to lift heavy materials
such
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 as bricks which may have a bad impact on their health.
Furthermore
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, their workplaces can be in a long distance from the ground which breeds a risk of catastrophe.
To sum up
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,
although
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 CEOs are important, normal people's jobs are more challenging and they should get high pay.
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

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specific examples
Try to incorporate more specific examples to strengthen your arguments. While the current examples are relevant, more varied examples could provide a richer discussion.
language use
Work on expanding the vocabulary range and using more complex sentence structures to achieve a more consistent advanced level throughout the essay.
cohesion
Ensure that the transition between the opposing viewpoints is smooth by using more cohesive devices and transitional phrases.
critical thinking
The essay effectively addresses both sides of the argument, demonstrating a well-rounded understanding of the issue.
conclusion strength
The conclusion solidly sums up the author’s opinion, providing a clear stance on the issue.
structure
The essay maintains a clear and logical structure, with main points supported throughout the paragraphs.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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