IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think certain prisoners should be made to do up and community work to what extent do you agree ? instead of being put behind bars.

#people #prisoners #community #work #bars
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Nowadays, There are many prisoners locked down behind the bars and left idle while taking their punishment period.
However
Linking Words
, many of them could spend their free time on the social
service
Use synonyms
 to atone their sin while waiting for their freedom. From my point of view, These prisoners with a light crime or a few years of jailing should be
allow
Suggestion
allowed
 to
service
Use synonyms
 the community. Exploring the benefits and losses of applying the
service
Use synonyms
 task for these captives will prove
this
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.
First
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 of all, These people could relieve their
bordom
the feeling of being bored by something tedious
boredom
bottom
 with these
activitys
any specific behavior
activities
activity
activists
 while taking the punishment.
Likewise
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, many nations had been applied a lot of
task
Suggestion
tasks
,
such
Linking Words
 as, the sewer cleaning, the pedestrian path paving, or some farming job that could be a
service
Use synonyms
 to public and can
provided
Suggestion
provide
 a cheap
labor
a social class comprising those who do manual labor or work for wages
labour
 to help
in
Suggestion
with
 many troublesome tasks. Even so, they need to be monitored to avoid the risk of escaping or the risk to cause any damage to
surrounding
Suggestion
the surrounding
.
In other words
Linking Words
, these
presioners
a person who is confined; especially a prisoner of war
prisoners
 of a light crime or a few years of penalty left should be the ideal target so as to have less reason to escape. On the one hand, their
service
Use synonyms
 might
provided
Suggestion
provide
 a better image for many post-prisoners. As many of them were going to
encountering
Suggestion
be encountering
encounter
 many hardships or struggling to get a job for living in the future. In order to solve these problems, some countries
alloweded
make it possible through a specific action or lack of action for something to happen
allowed
 them to atone their sin with many
type
Suggestion
types
 of community works while they are taking their punishment.
Nontheless
Suggestion
Nonetheless
,
this
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 method was working for many
celebrities but
Accept comma addition
celebrities, but
 less effective on the other common captives. By
this
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 I mean, they have the right to have a chance to redeem for their crime and
also
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 have the right to improve their image for their future being. In conclusion, these
guity
responsible for or chargeable with a reprehensible act
guilty
 men could be more useful with their duties
instate
Suggestion
in state
 of remaining idle behind those bars. It
can be accept
Suggestion
can accept
can be accepted
 that they should spend their jail period on many social services with a condition of low escaping risk. As for the
society
Suggestion
societal
 benefits,
this
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 approach could be better in
longterm
Suggestion
the long term
long term
 as they could have a chance to turn over a new leaf with a better life.
Submitted by imperialmarch1 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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