IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The diagrams below show the changes that have taken place at West Park Secondary School since it construction in 1950.

The diagrams below show the changes that have taken place at West Park Secondary School since it construction in 1950.
#diagrams #show #changes #place #west #park #school #construction
The maps illustrate how West Park Secondary
School
 has gone through some major changes
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
over
three
 various time periods (1950, 1980 and 2010).
Overall
,
it is clear that
 the main road remained in place over
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
time.
Besides
, over a fifty-year period from 1950 to 2010,
school
Correct article usage
the school
show examples
 is extended
while
 the house area is demolished in the
school
's layout
diagram
. In 1950, There were
three
houses
Change the noun form
house
show examples
 rows nearby
school
Correct article usage
the school
show examples
;
however
, it is replaced by other buildings
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
that
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 Science block and
Car
Correct article usage
the Car
show examples
 park in 1980.
In addition
, farmland is
also
 replaced
sports
Change preposition
by sports
show examples
field
Fix the agreement mistake
fields
show examples
 in 1980.
Furthermore
, these buildings are constructed with the purpose of accommodating the increase in student enrolments. From 1980 to 2020, the
school
's layout
diagram
change
Wrong verb form
changed
show examples
 in
size
Add an article
the size
show examples
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 some areas. There was a dramatic increase in the
size
 of the car park, compared to
map
Correct article usage
the map
show examples
 in 1980. When deciding to extend
school
Correct article usage
the school
show examples
 car
par
Correct your spelling
park
show examples
 area, certainly
school
 facilities had to
Add a missing verb
be sacrificed
show examples
sacrificed
Change the verb
sacrifice
show examples
. Obviously, in the
school
's layout
diagram
,
ports
Correct article usage
the ports
show examples
 field has lost
three
 quarters its
size
, and the playground
also
 is downsized by
one
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
three
 its
size
, compared
the
Change preposition
to the
show examples
school
diagram
 in 1980.
Submitted by nguyennhancrazy on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words school, three, diagram, size with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "changes" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "maps" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "diagram" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "compared" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "changes" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
▼

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