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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The diagrams below show the changes that have taken place at West Park Secondary School since it construction in 1950.

The diagrams below show the changes that have taken place at West Park Secondary School since it construction in 1950.
#diagrams #show #changes #place #west #park #school #construction
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The maps illustrate how West Park Secondary
School
Use synonyms
 has gone through some major changes
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
over
three
Use synonyms
 various time periods (1950, 1980 and 2010).
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 the main road remained in place over
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
time.
Besides
Linking Words
, over a fifty-year period from 1950 to 2010,
Use synonyms
school
Correct article usage
the school
show examples
 is extended
while
Linking Words
 the house area is demolished in the
school
Use synonyms
's layout
diagram
Use synonyms
. In 1950, There were
three
Use synonyms
houses
Change the noun form
house
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 rows nearby
Use synonyms
school
Correct article usage
the school
show examples
;
however
Linking Words
, it is replaced by other buildings
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
that
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 Science block and
Car
Correct article usage
the Car
show examples
 park in 1980.
In addition
Linking Words
, farmland is
also
Linking Words
 replaced
sports
Change preposition
by sports
show examples
field
Fix the agreement mistake
fields
show examples
 in 1980.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, these buildings are constructed with the purpose of accommodating the increase in student enrolments. From 1980 to 2020, the
school
Use synonyms
's layout
diagram
Use synonyms
change
Wrong verb form
changed
show examples
 in
Use synonyms
size
Add an article
the size
show examples
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 some areas. There was a dramatic increase in the
size
Use synonyms
 of the car park, compared to
map
Correct article usage
the map
show examples
 in 1980. When deciding to extend
Use synonyms
school
Correct article usage
the school
show examples
 car
par
Correct your spelling
park
show examples
 area, certainly
school
Use synonyms
 facilities had to
Add a missing verb
be sacrificed
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sacrificed
Change the verb
sacrifice
show examples
. Obviously, in the
school
Use synonyms
's layout
diagram
Use synonyms
,
ports
Correct article usage
the ports
show examples
 field has lost
three
Use synonyms
 quarters its
size
Use synonyms
, and the playground
also
Linking Words
 is downsized by
one
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
three
Use synonyms
 its
size
Use synonyms
, compared
the
Change preposition
to the
show examples
school
Use synonyms
diagram
Use synonyms
 in 1980.
Submitted by nguyennhancrazy on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words school, three, diagram, size with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "changes" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "maps" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "diagram" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "compared" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "changes" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
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