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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The bar chart illustrated the amount of 4 types of wastes collected in a recycling centre during the period from 2011 to 2015. The 4 types of wastes were paper, glass, tins, and garden.

The bar chart illustrated the amount of 4 types of wastes collected in a recycling centre during the period from 2011 to 2015. The 4 types of wastes were paper, glass, tins, and garden.
#bar #amount #wastes #centre #period #paper #glass #tins #garden
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The bar chart illustrated the
amount
Use synonyms
 of 4 types of
wastes
Fix the agreement mistake
waste
show examples
 collected in a recycling centre during the
period
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 from 2011 to 2015. The 4 types of
wastes
Fix the agreement mistake
waste
show examples
 were paper, glass, tins, and garden. The
amount
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 of paper collected was in a
decrease
Change the verb form
decreasing
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 trend, dropping from 57
tons
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 in 2011 to 40
tons
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 in 2013 and
then
Linking Words
increased
Wrong verb form
increasing
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 again, reaching 70
tons
Use synonyms
 in 2015. The figure has been always in first
place
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 among the 4 groups, except in 2013 in
Linking Words
second
Change the article
the second
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 spot. The
second
Linking Words
place
Use synonyms
 was
glass
Correct article usage
the glass
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 collection during the
period
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, except in 2013 when it replaced the paper collection in the first
place
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. After 2013, it dropped to
second
Linking Words
place
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 again, ending up in 52 tones in 2015. The
Use synonyms
amount
Change the quantifier
number
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 of tins and garden collected respectively
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 were in the
third
Linking Words
 and the fourth
place
Use synonyms
. The figure
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 tins varied from the lowest, 27
tons
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 in 2012 to 39
tons
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at the end
Linking Words
 of the
period
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. The
one
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
garden fluctuated slightly as well with 15
tons
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, the lowest in 2012 to 35
tons
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 in 2015.
Overall
Linking Words
, during the
period
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, the
Use synonyms
amount
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of collections in all four types of
wastes
Fix the agreement mistake
waste
show examples
 presented
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 similar trend in all individual
year
Fix the agreement mistake
years
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, except in 2013 when the glass was collected mostly.
Submitted by busybee1693 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "second".
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 100%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words amount, period, tons, place with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "illustrated" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "amount" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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