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Band 6

Some people think that children nowadays have too much freedom. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #children #freedom
People always think children are now given the excessive
freedom
, I completely agree with
this
 opinion and I believe that children’s behaviour should be confined by guardians since they are unable to distinguish between right or wrong in their life. Lack of supervision by parents and teachers has become the main reason for children having too much
freedom
. Parents are too busy to take care of their children in society, they have other things to deal with in life,
such
 as job problems. Children’s behaviour is not restricted with ru
les a
Suggestion
the rules
nd disciplines set by their parents, which gives children more opportunities to use the internet or social platforms.
For example
, Internet using easily diverts their attention from study if they are allowed to use study time to play computers. An excess of
freedom
also
 contributes to children’s education quality worldwide. In schools, it is difficult for teachers to pay certain attention to every student in class due to their limited time and energy.
In addition
, children can not raise their awareness to control or restrain their own immoral be
havior w
manner of acting or controlling yourself
behaviour
hich learned from TV programs or Internet videos.
Therefore
, more children choose to flee the school or homes,
instead
 of that, they prefer to stay internet bar overnight. Absenteeism rate is the best evidence to prove that less concern given to children might be harmful for their education life. In conclusion, children are not self-awareness and the early exposure to ne
gative influence o
Suggestion
a negative influence
n social platforms will be detrimental to their
further
 behaviours. I believe that children have too much
freedom
 today and should be supervised by guardians.

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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