Some say that because many people are living much longer, the age at which people retire from work should be raised considerably. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

The life expectancy has been constantly variable as time passes by.

However

, there has been an assumption that it has been increased in

this

generation.

As a result

, certain groups of individuals argue that the retirement period of occupation should become older. My conviction partly disproves with the aforementioned concept and the reasons will be discussed in

this

essay. With the commendable effort of the health organizations, whether government or private sector, the quality of life has been improved,

thus

, making people live much longer. It is undeniably a positive development,

however

, an odd movement is being proposed - the age at which workers retire from their jobs is being moved backwards. For some, rising

such

can be beneficial, particularly those citizens who are living independently.

Moreover

, these elders know that they are still qualified to work and earn for their living. Substantially, the suggestion can be considered.

On the contrary

, if one abstractly thinks about moving the period of retirement, he/she will realize that as the people mature, the more that they will become susceptible to different illnesses as their immune system is not as strong as the younger adults.

For instance

, in times of extreme weathers, the older personnel tend to file a sick leave more than the others.

Furthermore

, the elders must be given a time to rest and enjoy their remaining years with their families and friends. Alternatively, the old age must not be the basis of retirement, but rather their years in service.

For instance

, if a teacher is employed for more than 30 years,

then

he/she can retire as his/her contribution in the society is undoubted. Clearly, the older individuals must not be forced to work until they reach a specific year, but it should be the duration of the service

that is

counted. In conclusion, the relationship between life expectancy and retiring is non-occurring.

Additionally

, the promotion of enjoyment for elders must be observed. At the end of the day, people was not born to work, but to discover their missions and to fulfil them happily.

Sat Mar 07 2020

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12Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

343 words

8.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 9.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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