IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

In many developing countries today, air pollution is a major issue. What measures could be taken to prevent this problem in the future?

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In today's advanced world, air contamination is rising at an alarming rate.
This
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 subject is bringing a state of depression among the multitudes, which tends to have greenhouse effects.
However
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,
this
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 paragraph will represent the possible remedies. Seeing the matter with a brighter mind, many solutions may be helpful to curb
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 menace. First and foremost, the government should be given subsidies to clean or green technologies that reduce industrial smokestack emissions,
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, when the administration provides tax reductions, duty benefits, and a low interest rate on loans against the buildup of green industries, which may inspire entrepreneurs, at least with concern for business financial benefits.
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, every individual should be concerned about air pollution.
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, using bicycles
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 of diesel transports, walking for short distances, using energy-saving lights, etc.
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, the government
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 should set codes of conduct and laws for air pollution control. If any people, organization, or industry violate the laws, there should be a charge penalty, an organization license cancelled, and even being sent to prison.
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, urban planners and environmental experts can control the situation. If urban planners and environmentalists take into account
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 matter at the beginning of the planning stage, they will solve it effectively to build green cities.
Such
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 as keeping walking facilities, landscaping in urban areas, keeping water bodies in cities, and forest park facilities, and
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 can be one of the indirect long-term solutions by absorbing pollution in nature. In conclusion, it is not easy to resolve a global subject, but with the joint efforts of humanity, control can be taken over the issue with the aforementioned suggested measures by the government-subsidized and grown-up individual awareness.

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task achievement
Your essay provides a comprehensive response to the problem of air pollution in developing countries, but it could benefit from a clearer thesis statement in the introduction to set the stage for your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single idea. The second paragraph, for instance, discusses both individual and governmental actions, which could be confusing.
task achievement
While the essay addresses key measures to combat air pollution, it would be more effective with more specific and varied examples throughout. Consider extending the discussion with real-life examples and case studies.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and suggests the need for joint efforts to tackle air pollution.
task achievement
Your essay includes a variety of measures, demonstrating a good understanding of the topic and providing a well-rounded answer.
coherence cohesion
You have included an introduction and a conclusion, which provide clear starting and ending points for your essay.
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