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Writing Samples
Band 6

People nowadays tend to have children later in life. Kasiyet Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages? Assem

#people #children #life #kasiyet #outweigh #assem
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Nowadays, many people choose to have
children
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 later in life.
This
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 trend has both advantages and disadvantages. In my opinion, the advantages of delaying parenthood outweigh the disadvantages, as it allows
parents
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 to be more financially and emotionally prepared. A significant advantage of having
children
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 later in life is financial stability.
Parents
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 who establish their careers first are better equipped to provide their
children
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 with quality education, healthcare, and a comfortable lifestyle.
For instance
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,
parents
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 in their 30s or 40s often have the resources to invest in extracurricular activities or private schooling. I believe
this
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 level of financial readiness makes late parenthood a sensible decision.
However
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, one drawback of having
children
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 later is the increased health
risks
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 and lower energy levels. Fertility declines with age, and older
parents
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 might face complications during pregnancy or struggle to keep up with their
children
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’s activities.
For example
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, studies show that women over 35 face higher
risks
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 of complications,
while
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 older
parents
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 may lack the energy for physical activities like playing sports. Despite these challenges, I think medical advancements and careful planning reduce these
risks
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, making late parenthood manageable. In conclusion,
while
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 having
children
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 later in life comes with some disadvantages,
such
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 as health
risks
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, I believe the advantages, like financial and emotional readiness, outweigh them. Proper planning ensures that
parents
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 can provide the best environment for their
children
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, even if they start
Submitted by akzharkynzhamal on

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Coherence & Cohesion
The structure of the essay is generally logical, but ensure that each paragraph flows smoothly to the next. You can use more linking words to improve the transition between ideas.
Coherence & Cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion. Keep this structure, as it helps to guide the reader through your argument.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your main points are supported with examples but consider providing a bit more detail or variety in examples to strengthen your argument.
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the task effectively, providing a balanced view with both advantages and disadvantages.
Task Achievement
Your ideas are clear and well-explained. Keep focusing on delivering your arguments in a simple and straightforward manner.
Task Achievement
Examples are relevant but could be more specific. Try to include data or studies to back up your points when mentioning studies, for example.
Coherence & Cohesion
The essay has a strong and clear introduction, setting the context effectively.
Coherence & Cohesion
Conclusion effectively summarizes the main points, reinforcing your argument on the advantages of late parenthood.
Task Achievement
The essay provides a balanced view by addressing both the advantages and disadvantages of late parenthood.
Task Achievement
Your language is clear and the argument is presented in a logical manner.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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