IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The government and individuals are spending too much money on national celebrations like new year or festivals. Do you agree or disagree?

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People have different views about whether public expenditure on national
occasions
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such
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 as
new
Correct your spelling
New Year
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year
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 or festivals is too much nowadays.
While
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 I agree that governments and individuals are spending a significant amount of
money
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 on those
celebrations
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, I would argue that
this
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 activity is necessary and
therefore
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 can be considered acceptable. It is true that a large amount of
money
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 is currently spent on some important
celebrations
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 of a country.
Firstly
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, governments
is
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are
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 spending a proportion of their budget on holding events to celebrate these
occasions
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.
For example
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, much
money
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 is being paid for fireworks on New
Year
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’s
eve
Capitalize word
Eve
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 in many countries around the world.
Secondly
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, individuals
also
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 spend
money
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 to have
celebrations
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 and parties with their families, which is a common habit in many areas.
For instance
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, my parents and I often have a special dinner on the final day of every
year
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.
However
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, I believe there are great benefits
of
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to
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 public spending on national
celebrations
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, and
therefore
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 it is completely justifiable. The first advantage is that
this
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 is a great way to preserve the culture of a nation. To illustrate,
Lunar
Correct article usage
the Lunar
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 New
Year
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 is an important part of the Vietnamese culture, and holding
celebrations
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 for
this
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 occasion is necessary to remind younger generations of
this
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 tradition.
Additionally
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, since these
occasions
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 are usually the only times for family members to have time and enjoy together, it is understandable that people would want to spend
money
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 on something that makes them happy.
Finally
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, as there are only a few national
celebrations
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 in a
year
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, the amount of
money
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 spent on those days is unlikely to be too much. In conclusion, I disagree with the idea that people and governments are spending too much
money
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 on national
occasions
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.

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task achievement
In the second paragraph, enhance your points by providing more depth or addressing counter-arguments to further solidify your stance.
coherence cohesion
Make use of clear transitional phrases or topic sentences to guide the reader between your points or paragraphs more fluidly.
coherence cohesion
Your essay presents a well-defined structure, with a clear introduction and conclusion, facilitating an easy understanding of your argument.
task achievement
Your discussion is enriched by relevant examples, like the Lunar New Year and family dinners, bolstering your arguments effectively.
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