Today many children spend a lot of time playing computer games and little time on sports. Why is this? Is it a positive or negative development? You should write at least 250 words.

#children #time #computer #games #sports #development

Nowadays, it is a fact that

children

usually spend their time playing

games

indoors

instead

of outdoor activities.

Although

teenagers prefer to choose computers or video

games

, miners are more attracted towards iPad and mobile phone

games

namely Candy Crush.

This

essay will include why

this

type of question arises in the development of

children

and whether it would be affected negatively or profitably. There are various reasons to have a negative factor for

children

playing indoor

games

. The foremost reason is that they could be facing health issues in the future

due to

less physical exercise.

For example

, recent research shows that there were 70% youngster population playing GTA and Car race

games

on computers gatherings their schoolmates in Europe, in 2022.

Hence

, it is a catastrophic situation for

children

's mental health which could damage their eyes by continuously playing indoor

games

. For the discussion of reasons, why

this

matter happened to the

children

However

, it is a challenging and attractive activity and does not rely on the forecast.

In addition

, all adolescents allocate their school schedule to choosing their

games

as video

games

at home zones or play station places so that they can enjoy their time with their friends often.

Thus

, it is crystal clear that

children

only concentrate on indoor sports. In conclusion, as mentioned outdoor sports are the least preferable to indoor by teenagers choice. which will not only affect their mental health but

also

in future, they could lose body senses like touch and eyes

due to

having less body movements.

Submitted by patelhardik2199 on Tue Dec 12 2023

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Logical Structure

Ensure a logical progression of ideas throughout the essay. Transition words/phrases are used but could be improved for smoother flow.

Introduction/Conclusion Presence

While introduction and conclusion paragraphs are present, they could be strengthened by directly addressing the question prompts and clearly stating your viewpoint.

Supported Main Points

Support main points with more developed explanations and a wider range of cohesive devices.

Complete Response

Fully address both parts of the task, including clear reasons why children spend time playing games and detailed discussion of its implications.

Clear/Comprehensive Ideas

Clarify your ideas further by developing your arguments and ensuring all paragraphs contribute to the main topic. Avoid repetitive and irrelevant information.

Relevant/Specific Examples

Include more specific examples, data, and facts to substantiate your points. General statements should be supported with specific evidence.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

257 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

allure
captivate
supervise
accessible
scarcity
safer alternative
peer pressure
educational tools
cognitive skills
implications
obesity
poor posture
hand-eye coordination
problem-solving abilities

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Today many children spend a lot of time playing computer games and little time on sports. Why is this? Is it a positive or negative development? You should write at least 250 words.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

In today's world many people own a smartphone. Do you think the advantages of owning a smart phone outweigh the disadvantages.

In order to reduce crime, we need to attack the cause of crime such as poverty and lack of educational opportunities. It’s not enough to simply have more police on the street and put more people into prison. Do you agree or disagree?

Some people consider price as the most important thing to think about when buying products (such as cellphones) or services (medical treatments) do you agree or disagree?

Some people arque that it is more Important to have an enjoyable job than to earn a lot of money. Others disagree and think that a good salary leads to a better life, Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.