Today many children spend a lot of time playing computer games and little time on sports. Why is this? Is it a positive or negative development? You should write at least 250 words.

Nowadays, it is a fact that
children
usually spend their time playing
games
indoors
instead
of outdoor activities.
Although
teenagers prefer to choose computers or video
games
, miners are more attracted towards iPad and mobile phone
games
namely Candy Crush.
This
essay will include why
this
type of question arises in the development of
children
and whether it would be affected negatively or profitably. There are various reasons to have a negative factor for
children
playing indoor
games
. The foremost reason is that they could be facing health issues in the future
due to
less physical exercise.
For example
, recent research shows that there were 70% youngster population playing GTA and Car race
games
on computers gatherings their schoolmates in Europe, in 2022.
Hence
, it is a catastrophic situation for
children
's mental health which could damage their eyes by continuously playing indoor
games
. For the discussion of reasons, why
this
matter happened to the
children
?
However
, it is a challenging and attractive activity and does not rely on the forecast.
In addition
, all adolescents allocate their school schedule to choosing their
games
as video
games
at home zones or play station places so that they can enjoy their time with their friends often.
Thus
, it is crystal clear that
children
only concentrate on indoor sports. In conclusion, as mentioned outdoor sports are the least preferable to indoor by teenagers choice. which will not only affect their mental health but
also
in future, they could lose body senses like touch and eyes
due to
having less body movements.
Submitted by patelhardik2199 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Logical Structure
Ensure a logical progression of ideas throughout the essay. Transition words/phrases are used but could be improved for smoother flow.
Introduction/Conclusion Presence
While introduction and conclusion paragraphs are present, they could be strengthened by directly addressing the question prompts and clearly stating your viewpoint.
Supported Main Points
Support main points with more developed explanations and a wider range of cohesive devices.
Complete Response
Fully address both parts of the task, including clear reasons why children spend time playing games and detailed discussion of its implications.
Clear/Comprehensive Ideas
Clarify your ideas further by developing your arguments and ensuring all paragraphs contribute to the main topic. Avoid repetitive and irrelevant information.
Relevant/Specific Examples
Include more specific examples, data, and facts to substantiate your points. General statements should be supported with specific evidence.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: