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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The pie charts below give data on the spending and consumption of resources by countries of the world and how the population is distributed.

The pie charts below give data on the spending and consumption of resources by countries of the world and how the population is distributed.
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The pie charts provide information about how many
resources
Use synonyms
 are spent and consumed in a variety of different countries and the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of the
population
Use synonyms
 who was in the
world
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
while
Linking Words
 people spend most of their expenditure
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
foods
Fix the agreement mistake
food
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 and more than half of the
Use synonyms
world
Change noun form
world's
show examples
population
Use synonyms
 lives in Asia, more than half of the
resources
Use synonyms
 are consumed by the USA and European people. Looking at the data sets of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
world
Use synonyms
 spending in more detail, it can be seen that the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of the
foods
Fix the agreement mistake
food
show examples
 in the
world
Use synonyms
 which is spent
is
Correct your spelling
in
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 the highest proportion, at 24%, followed by transport expenditure, at 18%. Housing and clothing expenditure
consist
Change the verb form
consists
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 of
considerably
Add an article
a considerably
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 lower
ratio
Fix the agreement mistake
ratios
show examples
 of the
world
Use synonyms
 spending, at 12% and 6%, respectively. 40% of
world
Use synonyms
 spending consists of others. Turning to the
world
Use synonyms
population
Use synonyms
 sets, it is evident that the highest proportion of the
population
Use synonyms
 comes from Asia, at 57%.
In contrast
Linking Words
, 14% of the
Use synonyms
world
Change noun form
world's
show examples
population
Use synonyms
 consists of both European and American.
Similarly
Linking Words
,
African
Correct article usage
the African
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population
Use synonyms
 stands at 10% and
Correct article usage
the others
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others
Correct pronoun usage
other
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population
Use synonyms
 has the lowest
percentage
Use synonyms
, at 5% in the
world
Use synonyms
.
Finally
Linking Words
, the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
resources
Use synonyms
 which is consumed
stand
Correct subject-verb agreement
stands
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 at 60%, which is the highest value on the charts,
whereas
Linking Words
rest
Correct article usage
the rest
show examples
 of the
Use synonyms
world
Change noun form
world's
show examples
population
Use synonyms
consume
Correct subject-verb agreement
consumes
show examples
 only 40% of
resources
Use synonyms
.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words resources, percentage, population, world with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "sets" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "stands" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • pie charts
  • data
  • spending habits
  • consumption
  • resources
  • population distribution
  • comparison
  • patterns
  • developed countries
  • developing countries
  • implications
  • disparities
  • environmental consequences
  • social impacts
  • sustainability
  • economic development
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