IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

High school students should be allowed to study a smaller number of subjects in order to prepare for university

#school #students #study #subjects #university
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There is a standard view that
pupils
Use synonyms
 should be permitted to learn a limited number of
courses
Use synonyms
 in preparation for university. The writer of
this
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 essay asserts that
this
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 will have the dual merits of focusing on their core
subjects
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 and reducing the tuition fee. It is vital to understand that learners should focus on their main
courses
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instead
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 of studying fewer disciplines. In recent years, it has become more and more difficult for students to attend university because of the need for more concentration on the main subject. To minimize
this
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 problem, teenagers should be allowed to eliminate the optional
courses
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 so they have more time than in the past.
As a result
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, the. Several
pupils
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 can
enroll
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enrol
show examples
 in higher education and contribute to improving national finance. Another salient point is that the fewer
subjects
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 are taught, the less money is paid to the tutors. Learning more lectures may account for most students'
practicing
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practising
show examples
 time and distract teachers'
specialty
Change the spelling
speciality
show examples
.
Moreover
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, it is one of the most effective ways to save money for their future career.
Consequently
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, the fewer
subjects
Use synonyms
 they learn, the more concentration they concentrate on their primary fields.
Therefore
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, the effectiveness will be enhanced, and learners will have more chances to participate in a well-paid job. Considering all viewpoints, for enrolling in university
courses
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, the
pupils
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 should be permitted to learn fewer
subjects
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 as they have more time to practice and concentrate on core fields, aside from the reduction of course fees.
Thus
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,
this
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 essay has proven that minimizing the number of dropped-school students permits the
pupils
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 in high school to study less as much as possible.
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task achievement
The essay addresses the topic and presents a relevant position, but it can be improved by elaborating more on the supporting ideas and including specific examples. For instance, you could include examples of how reducing the number of subjects has helped students in certain academic systems.
coherence cohesion
While the essay is generally well-structured, some paragraphs could benefit from clearer topic sentences and more logical transitions. For example, the point about reducing tuition fees could be introduced more clearly and linked better to the preceding content.
general advice
Review for minor grammatical errors and awkward phrases. For instance, "result, the. Several pupils" and "more concentration they concentrate" can be revised for clarity. Also, some sentences like "account for most students' practicing time and distract teachers' specialty" need to be rephrased for better comprehension.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, providing a comprehensive answer to the prompt.
task achievement
The main points supporting the argument are clearly identified, such as the focus on core subjects and reduction of tuition fees.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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