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Band 4

It is generally seen that most working people do not do enough physical exercise What are the reasons behind this? How can this problem be solved?

#people #exercise
Health is one of the key parameters which determines an individual's happiness. Nowadays, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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professionals are so
much
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
equipped with their work that they
did
Wrong verb form
do
show examples
 not think of the workout.
Lacking
Replace the word
Lack
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in
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of
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time
 management skills and aligning
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
priorities in
life
 are critical reasons for
it
Correct pronoun usage
this
show examples
.
This
 essay will talk about these causes and probable solutions to address
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
.
Firstly
, everyone in
this
 world is looking for success in
short
Add an article
a short
show examples
 span of
time
,
this
 type of aggressive
targets
Fix the agreement mistake
target
show examples
 in
life
 would impose irrelevant pressure on self, which
push
Change the verb form
pushes
show examples
 an individual towards working late nights and
reduction in
Replace the word
reducing
show examples
 sleeping
hours
.
This
 could be easily managed by properly aligning the expectations and targets.
For instance
, a healthy baby
need
Change the verb form
needs
show examples
 9 months of duration to be in the womb, which means
this
 process is of defined duration and cannot be changed by putting
extra
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in extra
show examples
efforts
Fix the agreement mistake
effort
show examples
. The solution
for
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to
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this
 problem is
in
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to
show examples
 the person's realistic thought process and spend his available
time
 wisely.
Secondly
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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peer competition at the workplace
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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did not leave much
time
 for people to go for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
physical activities. Working in a shift across 24
hours
 is a new trend
of
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in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
jobs,
this
Correct word choice
and this
show examples
 impacts the daily schedule of an employee. It would be difficult to control much from the employer's perspective,
although
time
 management could be a probable solution here. Individuals can enrol themselves
to
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on
show examples
 the fitness club which
operate
Correct subject-verb agreement
operates
show examples
entire
Correct article usage
the entire
show examples
 day and
burn
Correct subject-verb agreement
burns
show examples
 down their calories. Managing the available
hours
 in
proper
Add an article
the proper
a proper
show examples
 way could be the best way to fix the impact of shift culture
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the job.
To sum up
, everyone has challenges in their daily
life
, it is an individual responsibility to maintain their fitness.
This
 could be achieved by properly managing the 24
hours
 and
be
Wrong verb form
being
show examples
 realistic towards the goals of
life
. Having said that, it is good to have ambitions in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
life
 but at the same
time
, any aggressive targets would bring unwanted pressure.
Submitted by er.ankitjain on

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task response
Ensure that the introduction clearly outlines the essay structure and the conclusion effectively summarizes the main points. Use transition words and phrases to improve the flow of ideas. Provide specific and relevant examples to support your points and ensure that all aspects of the task are fully addressed.
coherence cohesion
Focus on organizing the essay into clear paragraphs with topic sentences and supporting details. Use cohesive devices such as linking words, pronouns, and referencing to connect ideas within and between paragraphs. Use a variety of sentence structures to improve coherence.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • exercise regimen
  • personal goals
  • individual pace
  • convenience
  • motivation
  • peer pressure
  • structured classes
  • social dynamics
  • accountability
  • external motivation
  • self-discipline
  • peer support
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