IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

many people believe that every individual is responsible for his /her own healthy lifestyle. others believe that governments should take care of it. discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Nowadays, undoubtedly
one
Punctuation problem
, one
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 of the most important issues of
people
Use synonyms
's
being
Verb problem
apply
show examples
responsible
Replace the word
responsibility
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. A group believes that every individual is
responsible
Punctuation problem
responsible,
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while
Linking Words
 the other crowd thinks that the regime should take care of it.
Bellow
Use the right word
Below
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, I will examine both sides of the argument. To be sure, individual activities are playing an influential role in
people
Use synonyms
's behaviour. The first and foremost one is independent. When a person starts to stand on his or her feet and make himself or herself a responsible body, there is no need for other
people
Use synonyms
 or even
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
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. One other point is being well-experienced when somebody starts to make himself as someone whom others would love and respect; he would
realize
Change the spelling
realise
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 that he must do other actions to his personality as
before experienced
Correct word order
experienced before
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.
However
Linking Words
, it can be equally argued that politics
also
Linking Words
 plays a pivotal role in
people
Use synonyms
's behaviour. The most significant point to consider is
quick
Correct article usage
the quick
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 report. When the
government
Use synonyms
 starts publishing news on TV or in newspapers, the report will be established all over the country in a day.
Besides
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
,
children
Use synonyms
 would find an excellent example to follow. In the
latest
Correct word choice
last
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 10 years of human being the report shows that over
Correct article usage
a billions
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billions
Fix the agreement mistake
billion
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of
Change preposition
apply
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children
Use synonyms
 are watching TV
more
Change preposition
for more
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 than an hour a day. If the
politics
Replace the word
politicians
show examples
 start to advertise a good character and famous actors or football players and introduce them as a responsible or
ethical
Replace the word
ethically
show examples
 behaved person or
children
Use synonyms
 would learn to do the staff as the TV shows them to be like their exemplar. In summary, I would concede that individuals and
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
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 do come with some adverse effects. Despite that fact,
benefits
Correct article usage
the benefits
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 created by individuality far outweigh the advantages of
government
Use synonyms
 care.
Overall
Linking Words
, I am convinced the
people
Use synonyms
 themselves should decide, and parents should help their
children
Use synonyms
being
Wrong verb form
be
show examples
 individual from childhood.

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task
State your view clearly in the intro and keep a clear line of thought.
structure
Make each paragraph have one clear idea with a topic sentence.
coherence
Use simple linking words to show how ideas go with each other.
examples
Give more real or clear examples to show your point.
language
Check grammar and spelling to avoid hard mistakes.
content
There is a real try to discuss both sides.
conclusion
The end talks about your own view.
structure
Some good order in the essay.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • preventative care
  • lifestyle diseases
  • public health policies
  • healthcare accessibility
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • nutritional information
  • government intervention
  • health education programs
  • public health campaigns
  • personal accountability
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