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Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#people #music #cultures #ages
Nowadays,
music
 plays a significant role in many aspects of
people
's lives. Some
people
 think that
music
 can be beneficial in gathering
people
 together from different backgrounds. I totally agree with
this
 point of view for several reasons. First of all,
music
 can help
people
 to communicate easily with others who have different
cultures
.
For example
,
music
 can be used by a person in small talk to introduce himself or herself. If someone listens to
music
that is
 popular around the globe, he or she can comment about it on social media and
also
can
Verb problem
apply
show examples
see others' comments.
As a result
,
people
 from different areas can be friends by sharing their ideas about the same songs. The second reason why I think so is that
concerts
 can help bring
people
 from various
cultures
 into one area and help them to meet new friends.
For instance
, the young generation has a big interest in
concerts
 from popular singers and they mainly go abroad for these
concerts
. If someone travels to another country to participate in
concerts
, he or she can meet local residents and share his or her own culture and
also
 learn the local traditions of the country.
However
,
this
 can lead to cultural exchange and help
people
 to hone their minds. Taking everything into account, in my opinion,
music
 can help
people
 to learn about different
cultures
 as they can share their ideas by using social media tools and
also
 taking part in
concerts
 can be a good way for
people
 to meet new friends and learn more things about their
cultures
 and traditions.
Submitted by Name_1234 on

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Vocabulary and Sentence Structure
To further enhance your essay, consider integrating a wider variety of sentence structures and more sophisticated vocabulary to make your arguments even more compelling.
Examples
While the examples provided are relevant, incorporating more diverse examples from different genres or aspects of music could enrich your argument and demonstrate a broader understanding of music's impact.
Linking Words
Continue to work on linking your ideas more smoothly within paragraphs. Using a wider range of linking words and phrases can help improve the flow of your essay.
Introduction
Your introduction effectively sets the stage for your discussion, clearly stating your agreement with the provided statement.
Use of Examples
You've effectively used examples to support your points, such as the role of music in facilitating communication and the experience of attending concerts, which makes your argument persuasive.
Essay Structure
The structure of your essay is well-organized, with clear paragraphs dedicated to each of your main points. This organization helps the reader to follow your argument easily.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • universal language
  • evoke
  • connect
  • diverse audiences
  • cultural exchange
  • generational gaps
  • shared experiences
  • unifying force
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